Advice on My Scenario Pt. 8 - No Anger, Know Peace

[OrangeK]

OK, you will drive yourself nuts wondering those things. I know, I've been there.

Steve, you've told me this more than once and i appreciate your persistance, I have told you more than once if i could not "Drive myself nuts" I would. Do you think i WANT to dwell on this like this?
I cant just "not think about it" its like asking me not to breathe. I cant help it, its subconscious, it permeates my thoughts. I wish i could make it stop but i cant, if i knew a panacea for this id quaff it immediately. its not a light-switch.

But you aren't alone. We all wonder that. I think the need to understand is like any other problem solving issue. If we can understand what went wrong we can either fix it, or prevent it from happening again. But there are some people that cannot be fixed. No matter if you get to the root cause or not.

I dont even need to fix it, i just need to know why it happened. I need closure, not knowing causes all of these questions doubts and regrets. If i knew all the reasons for things i could package them up and put them away to gather dust where they should be.