Advice on My Scenario Pt. 8 - No Anger, Know Peace

[OrangeK]

Orange, I see you often ask questions as to why the WAS is the way they are.

Sometimes there are no explanation, sometimes it's really a lot of speculation.

I do know even if you come to a likely answer, it really won't change a darned thing.

I know, because I became obsessed with trying to figure out how my ex could be such an awful person, how he can totally lack remorse. There area bunch of different possibilities, neither of which truly make a difference. I just knew I had to be ok with the person I am, not the person he is.

Of course, going forward, I look out for red flags and try not to ignore them, but even if I find them in a potential partner, I don't need to understand the "why". They are there no matter the reason.

My need to understand is born from the fact that none of this makes sense at all. I am a type of person who needs to understand the why and the how. I cannot seem to just say "well this happened, and i know ill never understand it, so i just need to forget about it and move on"
I cant do that. I've tried. For months.
Our entire life together leading up to this doesn't match up with what shes done.
SHE wanted to have a child, SHE wanted to get married, SHE was the one to always bring up what house she liked and what our life as older couple would be like. SO when she obtained all she had hoped for, it instantly became rotten and useless. this doesn't make sense to me, and until i am finally able to move on somehow or she offers some type of explanation or apology, it will continue to bother me it seems.

I want the person i knew back, not this cursed version of her.