Affair, no feelings...is there hope? IV

[44tries]

She slept in the bed again last night, but announced it was only because she was "afraid she might die from the paint fumes" in hers (I think they are doing work next door). We also finalized a few details of our trip and she brought up the fact that our hotels only had one bed, etc. and wanted to make sure I wasn't getting any ideas that the trip was something it wasn't. I told her I just wanted to have a fun vacation.

She has a four day weekend for Memorial Day. I am going to try to make sure I am GALing and doing some things that don't revolve around her. I've decided to approach GAL with the mindset that if she wants to join, okay, but I will be doing it either way. It's too easy to get caught up doing something with her and let my own stuff slide. So I'm working on this.

In some ways, everything is much more difficult now that the A is exposed/over. I was doing much better with detachment and focusing on myself before, probably in part because she was much less focused on me and it was easier to get away. I also had a good source of anger and the reality of what was going on helped keep my eye on moving on and not giving up, but not holding on to hope. Now, I know I must keep working toward becoming the spouse only a fool would leave, but I feel I'm treading water (and burning precious time).

I am still really struggling with Sandi's line I bolded in the post directly above, and trying to follow everyone's advice (detach, don't let her cake-eat, etc). My fear of rocking the boat has returned. Not all of it--I can still stand up to her disrespect. But during times when she is just being friendly, I no longer have the "excuse" that she is seeing someone else so we can't be working on the MR. I am constantly conflicted; maybe I will just re-read the detachment thread ten more times because I know it isn't the same as pushing her away.

She talks about wanting to feel like she can breathe and be apart, but how it can't happen when we live together because both our feelings get hurt. If I do things on my own, she feels abandoned. If she does her own things, she feels guilty. I feel like she has so many "wrong" ideas...and then I remember how she always felt I think she's wrong.