New Year, new thinking..

[Coly23]

Hey Job, AP thanks so much for your posts!

I felt the gently tap of a 2x4 (and I mean gentle!) in both your posts and I thank you for not whacking me too hard but I also understand why you did it.

It is very difficult in my sitch as there is no OW and his reasons for leaving are not clear. However I am not looking for the 'end game' as I don't want to get divorced. If he suggests it, okay, I will reluctantly accept but I am not going to go there if I don't need to at the present. Why would I put myself through a process that will ultimately hurt me the most?

I have read many old posts on here for example 'ladybug' whose husband left, no obvious OW and after two years following a temp check by her was on her way to D because that's what her H decided he wanted. Six months later her H said he realised that's not what he wants and took steps to return. Now I'm not saying that it is like my sitch and I certainly don't want to use the threat of D but just my point about it being two years doesn't necessarily mean they are content with their choices and we have to 'do' something.

Also, I see the rational behind boundaries when your H/W has an OP. For example "I will not engage in any social events while you sill have OW/OM" but I can't use that boundary so that is why I struggle. But as Own said in her earlier post it might be a positive sign that he was happy to come over without knowing what it was for and not necessarily because he sees me as a 'chum' or former 'room mate'. I have not read of anyone's H/W on here who treats/ed the LBS like that. If there is an example I would like to read their sitch please.

AP, I think you are trying to tell me that this isn't MLC and he has just walked away and after two years has no intention of coming home and I should move on. This is what friends tell me who have no idea about this site or MLC. So now I am confused!

You are right he is like a distant uncle to D but not by choice. He still tries to communicate with her but I think he has pulled back because he realises she is still very angry with him and he is an avoider! He wished her luck for her exam in a text the other day but she refused to respond with even a thank you. I know I can't do anything with that relationship and I think he knows he has all but lost her but knowing my H he has pulled back because of his guilt as he knows he doesn't deserve a relationship with her anymore.

Job, I realise he has used me as a storage facility out of pure laziness and I absolutely don't want that anymore. He needs to come this weekend as my gardener is visiting next week and needs access to the garden through the garage and he is aware of this.

Okay, my plan is to let him come over, take his stuff and I will carry on as I have been. No invitation for social visits just getting on with my life with my D.

Thanks everyone. It's great to be able to talk it through!