I am answering you on this thread after your call out on another thread. I noticed that you moved to MLC. Remember I am giving you my thoughts only, your sitch is your sitch and everything you are is for you to know.
My thinking is that your W is a walkaway, she appears to have finished the M for multiple reasons including her unhappiness in the R with you and nothing you have written indicates she is wayward. I can't see any indication of serious disorder either.
She may at some stage post S get a bf but that isn't wayward if she has filed. Thus will likely unfold in time.
You aren't wayward or disordered either. This means I don't believe MLC forum is appropriate place for you to be for those reasons.
I can't see WAW changing her mind about the old M being over and she clearly wants D. Wanting D doesn't make a W wayward, it just means finishing an R that isn't working for her. You dating or going LRT isn't wayward either if your M is in the D stage. This won't I think make WAW believe a new M is possible.
I see a great deal of a poster called Ghost in you, the confusion and fear of abandonment. Ghost is a wonderful poster who fought for his M and really struggled to accept his R was over. His W was a WAW and as far as I am aware still hasn't a bf. It is possible to want an M over and still not be wayward or disordered. Some just want a single life or to be out of the M.
Ste7e there is nothing wrong with you at all. I sense some depression and much of that is likely to be as a result of being neglected in your R. Much of that can be because you neglected you, physically and emotionally. Like many of us you ceased to take extreme care of you or so it seems. It's no wonder you are down, there are several posters including AS and LH who have said this to you in different ways.
It is my thinking that LRT isn't useful for you. Firstly it is saying I think my M is over I am living my life free of M. In LRT you live your life as if you were moving on, you clearly arent at that stage. And secondly it requires a lot of emotional health to be LRT.
So what to do?
Sandi rules are right on point for you, I would have those printed and laminated to follow if I were you. Particularly becoming a man only a fool would leave. It's a no lose strategy for you. No lose because this means looking after you in every way. It is Classic DB strategy and clearly in my view a proven way to move forward.
It can be easier if a W is wayward and crazy because it's clear how a sitch is and often eventually evaluating a way forward is clearer. It's easier to move forward and move on mentally although it is painful. Even if WAW has a bf that doesn't make her wayward from your M, it just means she is done with your R and is moving on. It would be adultery though as you are not yet D, but are S.
MLC forum has some lovely folk in it and whilst you and WAW have no disorder you are very very down and struggling. MLC is where the crazy sitches are, I don't see your sitch as crazy. Your WAW is behaving as a W who has decided to end her M and that doesn't make her crazy or wayward. It just makes her determined and her behaviour is consistent with that. Those are my thoughts at this point.
You can stand for M for as long as you want and for a new M with a much improved Ste7e. Does this mean your WAW doesn't love you or hasn't loved you? Not at all, ILYBIANILWY may describe exactly how she feels at this time. And friendship with keeping the door open and the road back smooth is great as a strategy. If it were me then I might be saying "WAW I want you as my W not as my friend and I am working to become the best me I can be for myself and any future R I have". We know That W clearly felt deeply attracted to you, she M with you.
I want to introduce you to a concept called extreme self care, looking after you and your health. Losing weight, finding work you love to do, having GAL, hobbies, interests and getting yourself together. In particular medical help for the long term depression, finding out why you think so little of yourself. Why have you been in an R where you are clearly neglected? And in this you neglected you too.
Why haven't you looked after you? Is it something from childhood? I would be interested in your ACES score. (Adverse Childhood Experiences Score). I think this goes deeper than your M and getting to look after you and putting in place self care and self regard is going to be wonderful.
I see a wonderful bright future for you and healthy R with WAW or another if you can resolve the deep reluctance to look after you. Without resolution I am concerned. This is a great place for you in newcomers as you already have your tribe here.
What kind of medical help are you having? What sort of IC? Are you going GAL?
What are your goals? We can explore those too if you like.
I am concerned more about you than your M.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
