Affair discovered

[STH17]

Yesterday W was admitted to ER after her regularly scheduled therapy appointment. And she is going into a partial hospitilization program next week. I really hope it includes medication, which she has been resistant to trying, and I don't think anyone has ever recommended to her. One thing that has kept me hanging onto M is believing things could turn around if she really got effective treatment for her depression. At this point though I don't expect it to bring her back to me. Probably will just get her the strength to divorce me.

I don't know what to think about W's depression. I am ashamed that my behavior worsened her depression, and that I didn't help her when she was depressed.

I'mhanging my signature from "PA: 5/6/18-..." to "PA: 5/6/18?" because I don't know exactly what happened when she was out of the house that day, and haven't found any concrete evidence since then. Focusing on A isn't helping me either. Taking care of myself is going to be more difficult with W in the hospital next week, but this seems like special circumstances I am willing to make sacrifices for her during. As she was telling me when she would be gone next week, I told her we could make plans together for making sure our son was taken care of, or I could even take a week off of work and watch him, or just take care of all the arrangements for him myself. Her reply "I have to say I'm surprised to hear you say that." That's been a good 180 behavior for me, to be flexible about my work schedule and making W a priority over my work. Not the first time in the last six months W has been surprised by that and said so.

She just shared an article on Facebook today (publicly, not just with me) about Love Bombing, which was described as manipulative behavior of showering someone with love at the beginning of a relationship to establish dominance in the relationship, and then punish the victim by withdrawing the love. W has often shared articles like that in the past, and I don't know if I should talk to her about them or ignore them. I always feel like she is accusing me with them, and reinforcing her victimized feelings. A 180 for me would be to ask her about the article instead of ignoring it. I could just ask her if Love Bombing has been her experience. Of course that opens myself to more attacks and criticism, or could trigger more pain for her.