Yup, couldn't agree more with what Acc said. I consider myself a success story and my MR is heading to a D. But guess what, I am at peace with it and myself. My success is measured by my own growth and I can tell you, I have grown leaps and bounds. It was hard, uncomfortable, and I stared down the flawed man in the mirror. I am still a flawed person, we all are, but I have so much more in the amazing category that it overshadows the flaws. I also know that what I now bring to the table as a friend, partner, father, is on a whole new level.
I will not go back to my MR as it was. I will not settle for my W with all the issues she has. That would be moving backwards. If she agrees to work on her issues and I see serious changes in her that are long-lasting, then I will cross that bridge if it ever comes - and I know it won't come in my timeline as I know my W and I know what she will and won't do. But that's on her, not me.
So, figure out what your success is going to look like. If your measurement is that you got your partner back, but still in the same $hitty dynamic, then is that really success?
I'd encourage you to go to the piecing section and read some of the threads there. It is hardly a walk in the park. I would do it, but I have my non-negotiables and I am more than willing to walk away if W does not meet them.
Get to the point where you work on your flaws, get your self-worth back, know your value, and realize you will not settle for less. That is my marker for success.
