RR please don't put the walkaway and the wayward together. Cheaters cheat because they are entitled jerks, they have scrambled eggs for brains. Walkaways are usually more depressed and are thoughtful.
V, I know what you are saying. Many LBS don't know which they have. Many believe the have WAW when there is an OM.
Either way, the advice fits.
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
Ste7e, Steve85, RR, Sandi and Vanilla you guys are awesome. Thank you for helping me to navigate this difficult time. Your advice is golden.
Think back to the days long before you ever had a thought about getting M. How would you have responded to some female who treated you like cr@p and than cheated on you? I'd be interested in knowing. Was she the only girl you ever dated? Were you ever in another long term relationship?
In the past and even now my default when someone treated me bad was and is - what is wrong with me. I would almost feel at fault immediately. Now prior to this relationship my longest lasting relationship was 3 years. I was in several relationships before my W.
Every woman who is in a female-male relationship wants a dominant man. Not domineering, but dominant. If you don't know what I mean, google how to be a dominant man in your relationship, or how a husband acts like a dominant male in marriage.
I'm having trouble grasping this because one of my W biggest complaints was that I was too controlling. That things had to be done my way. Is not dominant? I'm not sure what to make of this.
Besides, if you are truly getting a life like there is no tomorrow, she'll hear about it and check to see what's going on. By "check", I mean temperature check you to see how emotionally attached you are to her....and it doesn't usually happen like the H thinks it will. She'll find some reason to contact you, and when she does, you need to be ready.
In regards to GAL - I'm getting closer to finding new employment I have 2nd interviews lined up with 2 employers possibly 3. In regards to my health. With the BD I was up to 265lbs- I now go to the gym 6 times a week and at 201lbs with and end goal of 180. That was my weight playing varsity in high school. With the weather being better I will start up my cycling. I have made alot of friends at the gym and am jokingly considered a chick magnet. One of the regulars approached me on the eliptical trainer and told me that he had to loo twice b/c he could not recognize me. I responded by saying I'm still in the process of loosing more weight. He chuckled and said he did not recognize me b/c there were no women around me. I can be very friendly in a social atmosphere. In regard to her hearing about my GAL- I just found out that my W goes out regularly with my SIL ( my oldest brothers wife). They would talk at parties but I find out now that they go out on a regular basis. They were never really close before- why do you think this happened?
If I could only write one statement to LBH's with a WW, it would be, "Stop trying to save a MR with a wayward W". Do you find this shocking to read on a D busting board? Well, read it again.....and again..... until it makes sense. wink
Point taken--but it is easier said then done especially with a process logical mind like mine.
Sandi2 again thank you for your insight and explanation. Sometime s I'm a little too thick as my mom would say. Eventually it will sink in .
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
Don't confuse alpha and controlling. They are not the same, in fact they are polar opposites.
Men and women who are alpha are strong and have self control, goals, direction and real power. In particular over themselves, they can be romantic, make mistakes as an opportunity for growth and can be strong enough to apologise. Those who are controlling do so because they are weak and get their jollies by being better than another by looking down. The alpha is unafraid to love with passion a controller doesn't even love themselves.
Don't confuse.
My aged pa was one of the most alpha loving men I have ever known, strong enough to love and let others live their lives.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I cut an pasted this from one of the threads I cannot remember where...I think it was Sandi
I would say "I'm your husband not your friend and that's how I will keep it in my heart. We can do-parenting if D happens and be cordial, but I can't be your friend, when in my heart I'm meant to be your H. Then let it be. DB, 180, and live your life. But you not about to friend zone me after, I'm your husband and all you've done to me.
She doesn't want to be your W, but she wants some level of connection with you. Not in a romantic/sexual sense, but sort of like an ownership of you. I think 98% of the cases I have read, the WW wants to maintain some type of "friendship" with the H she dumped. However, there is a vital difference in his definition of their friendship......and hers. He thinks their friendship will gradually lead back to a romantic relationship. But she is a user.....a taker.....and she will use him and take advantage, and if he tries to step back or refuse, she claim, "But you said you wanted to be friends". So, it's a no win situation.
What you can do is be civil. Perhaps there will be times you can even show a small level of friendly behavior.......the way you would toward a neighbor that you don't really care to become best buds. Know what I mean? You speak, or wave.......and keep moving.
I wouldn't give her any in depth speech about why. Just say, "Thanks, but no thanks". I mean.........friends? seriously??
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
update W came by - I stayed very calm an she picked up some of her stuff as I went about and did my thing. I find it odd now that she has to tell me that she is leaving because I was in the basement on the phone when she came down just to say she was headed home.
For this R my W is the primary bread winner (not by choice). I am finishing short term disability.I have some potential jobs lined up. We have joint Checking, savings, and credit cards with me as the primary card holder. No separation agreement in place. I was in charge of finances and paid all the bills.
A couple months ago my W went ahead withdrew over 15k from our savings account( about half). The next day she told me about it and said she thought I might freeze the account. Since that time she has got herself a lease on an apartment, a storage locker, gone on this trip with sis (about 4-5k). I have been monitoring the bank accounts online. I noticed a purchase from a big box store of $1500. Before we had a rule where we would inform each other of all purchases. I'm not sure if this is theft of if she purchased it. Secondly if she burned through 15 K in a matter of months then i need to protect myself and my S. How should I proceed with out making it look threatening or aggressive? Her means of communication now seems to be thru text -should I call her or just text her?
Please advise-thanks!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
W came by - I stayed very calm an she picked up some of her stuff as I went about and did my thing. I find it odd now that she has to tell me that she is leaving because I was in the basement on the phone when she came down just to say she was headed home.
Let's talk about this, a bit. Why is it so odd?
M 53 W 54, M since 98 D15, D19 8/2013 discovered EA, W maintained contact with OM until 10/14 7/2/17 W said she wanted S, 7/25/17 moved out of MBR 12/17 W says moving out 5/18, W still in home.
When she said she wanted to separate- she became so deceptive. Coming and going as she pleased not saying what she did. Keeping her phone on her person constantly. Taking her spare car keys . Now even before she left it's almost like she has to announce what she does or where she is going. IDK to me that seems odd.
BTW she does not have a key but we have an electronic keypad which locks after 10 seconds. So there was no reason to talk to me.
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
