Count on ups and downs (IV)

[Rita]

Willdo, we are in a similar boat, in house and BD at almost the same exact time. I used to snoop. One snoop was the day I came home from a mastectomy and saw texts where he called OW "my secret other wife." He had been so scared when I was on operating table that he contacted her and she was comforting him that I would be okay!!! Then the A continued after that until recently, if it isn't still going on.

I tell you that just to point out to you that whatever is happening is going to be as repulsive and horrifying as it can get, and looking at it is not going to change anything. I would feel my whole body go into shock and be sick for days when I snooped. When I chose to give it to God and just not look anymore, I felt peace. Sometimes the panic hits me and I have struggled, but I assure you that if you start thinking of your temptation to look as the darkness winning, you can begin to do proper battle. I think because you mentioned God you may be standing through faith, and if so, remember that the devil is the one who is tempting you to look. God just wants you to trust Him. The despair you feel when you look is not from God. Every time you want to snoop, you can just say, "Not today, Satan!" or whatever you come up with and then blast some praise music or if you are not into that, force yourself to do something else that is positive and beautiful, even if it's just cleaning out a cabinet but maybe even doing something nice for a neighbor. Over time you will not want to snoop as much. Tim Keller has a great sermon on how having faith in God's judgement is the only way you can possibly forgive; if you can find it, I think it will give you some light! Do you get the Charlyne cares e-mails? Those help me a lot too, especially when I am lonely. If you are a person of faith, ask your pastor to help you find a prayer partner, maybe an elder with a restored marriage. Please know that I know just exactly how you feel! You are not alone!