Withdrawal, The Worst Stage Yet?

[Rita]

Gordie, it is a sad thing to have discovered over these five years, but pretty much everyone I know is very ready to sit me down and tell me to get serious about divorcing my husband but no one ever offers to do anything at all for my kids. I even ask people many times over -- just to take one or both for a hot chocolate or send texts to my son, etc., and it happens almost never. There is no male figure in my son's life except one of my friends who is not very present, but his house (in another state) is the only out-of-town place my son is willing to go. So I am going there in a week or two with my kids, just worrying that my H will try to come. Being away gave me so much perspective and made it seem even more surreal that I live like this normally; I want to go away as much as I can, as I did in the first two years, but now my son is such a mess he barely will leave the house and refuses to go anyway. Leaving him here all weekend with my H was heart-breaking for me, and when I came back, my son was just a ball of rage. When my parents divorced, I had a huge extended family, and so, while it was horribly traumatic and damaging, I had this whole world of family that gave me a place and kept me sane. My kids have none of that. A little bit from church but my son won't go anymore and in the end, it's just not like family being at each other's houses all the time, etc. I think this is one reason why I found your threads and SnJ's so wonderful -- you are such good fathers, and it is so critical for our kids! My son has totally been destroyed by this whole thing and there is nothing I can do but try to be a lighthouse in the dark for him too.