I will try to tell my story of divorce busting. This year is our 10 year anniversary. We are still married. I dare say happily married. I guess my story is a success story. We have been in an overall great relationship for several years now, which I thought was absolutely impossible at the time.
It started about 8 years ago. My wife and I had been a family for two years we had a longer relationship. Our daughter was about a year old. That s when I discovered that she had an affair and she was on the way of leaving. I probably do not need to explain to you what a shock it was, and how difficult it was to recover. All I can say is that it took me years to get my footing. It took a lot of time, efforts, luck, favorable circumstances, and last but not least, my wife s common sense to make our marriage work.
Initially, I made all the mistakes that others in the forum have made. I tortured myself endlessly for months. When I look back I find out that a lot of my tortures seem quite unimportant, even pointless now. I did all the pursuing, raging, self deprecating I struggled to get a life (partially because we were in a new place), I did not work on myself. It took months before I started to detach and GAL. And it took about a year before I realized that I would be fine even if she left.
The story began when we got our green cards. The plan was that I will move to the US first I had lived here before to look for a job, and she and the baby will move with me in a few months. The problem was that it was 2009, and jobs were not plentiful to say the least. I was working part time when my wife came. I noticed from the very beginning that something was different, but I could not figure out what. I attributed it to our money problems, my lack of stable job etc.
We constantly argued, about money, about my inability to spend time with my D, about everything. I was blind to the massive rift between us, until one day we had this nasty argument, I said (shouted) What do you want me to do about something ? and she said I do not want you to do anything . It was obvious that she meant it in general. I could not sleep all night.
A few weeks later, we drove to NY where my wife had a job interview. We stayed our friends place. I was checking my email on my wife s laptop, when I saw the skype messages with OM. It was an utter shock. It was clear they were in love. I felt like a complete idiot. The most idiotic part (which I would never forget) was that for a split second I thought this must be her brother, before I realized that nobody talks like that to their brother.
I am now very happy that we were in other people s home. I am also very proud how I handled myself the next few days. I said nothing, let my wife go through the job interview and drover my crumbling family back to Maryland the next day.
We had numerous talks then. I no longer remember the details. I just remember the constant whirlpool of emotions, rage, panic, even brief fits of euphoria when I figured out in my imagination how I would show them. I remember the constant pursuing. Some of it was a bit shameful reading her emails . Some quite absurd asking her why she is locking herself in the bathroom . During that time, I started running. I have never been a runner but back then I woke up in random hours of the morning and running was the only thing to do. I ran to exhausture which turned out to be very therapeutic.
A few weeks later she got a job offer and we started packing for NY. It was very surreal to move to a new place not knowing exactly why. However, there was no point for me to stay in Maryland. I was only working part time, had no friends there. Also, I thought that if she left alone, that automatically would put an end to our relationship. She, needed the help of course even though she had told me she did not need a husband.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/22/1807:11 PM. Reason: restored post
