maybe my WW is actually a MLC

[Ste7e]

So I have been posting over in the newbie section for a couple months now and been getting some good advice.

I ended up over here in the MLC section because I thought I had been in a MLC which drove W out.

After reading the 30 MLC signs I decided that my depression was just depression (I never acted out was just worried about job and sick family) and that in fact my WW fit every criteria listed!

Quick recap on my sitch

Three years ago I burned out on my education job was over worked and underappreciated and wanted a new career path. Simultaneously found out my Step Dad and Aunt had cancer. Quit the job and tried to find a new fulfilling career to no avail. Became very depressed over work and sick family members in steady decline. My W was very unsympathetic to dying family members and really ramped up her career and became a workaholic. Since last summer my Step dad died my aunt died and then step brother was killed in a motorcycle accident. My W really pulled away from me while I was grieving and started working 12 hour days 5-6 days a week. I had put on alot of weight in my depression and W last Nov said I was fat and she was not attracted to me. We started arguing for the first time in our 7 years together and as she pulled away I became clingy and needy. I admit that in my depression I looked to her to make me better which she cannot do I now know.

Finally in late Jan WW said she couldn't do this anymore. She said she needed a break and was going to take 3 months and then we could do MC. She was moved out in a month. A month later one of our cats got sick and died and she was back at the house for a week to help take care of it. After being at the house for 2 days (I was being detached and validating not talking about OR etc) she said she didnt want to do MC but wanted a D (she has yet to file).
I asked if she was seeing someone else and she said no but that she was trying to find herself. Was never going to be in another relationship again, never be so "enmeshed" with another person again etc.

She has a whole new group of friends a bit younger than her I think. Has gone to Mexico twice and going to California in a few weeks (travelling more). New clothes etc. Talked about getting a new car. Her job has been terminated and is starting a new job in a couple months and wants the D to be finalized before she starts new job. I am currently dark and NC except for logistics with the cats which are with me.

I have been GAL like crazy I started going to yoga 5 days a week I am seeing a MC and another shrink. I changed my diet started getting up at 630 everyday, looking for jobs and working on creative projects. I have lost 40 lbs over the last 3 months got a haircut and had to replace most of my wardrobe because I lost so much weight nothing fit anymore. I am working on detachment and have done a fairly good job of validating when I have spoken to WW.

Would love to know more about dealing with MLC spouse and knowing more about MLC etc. WW is only 34 is this too young for a MLC? SHe also changed borth control a couple years ago which really tapered off her sex drive and gives her night sweats if that matters?