So I hope you are listening to Zues, becauseif you can apply what he is saying, it will truly change your life and the path you walk from this moment forward.
My IC talked a lot about two people bringing their best to a M in order to make it work, but the big idea I took away from it was that I need to build my own pillar. If I'm not meeting my own needs, how can I meet another person's needs?
Here's the other thing I want to mention, and I'm sure you'll get feedback from others here on this as well...
The cuddling and taking showers is your W's way of figuring out if she still can have that affection she needs from you, but it's actually a really big temp check, she's just not looking at it that way.
You've done all this work explaining to her how she needs to either recommit, or D. She heard your message, understood where your boundaries were and then you just let your wall down.
If she "doesn't know" what she wants, why does she get the benefit of all the R stuff?
Would you let your roommate climb in the shower with you? Until she can verbalize her commitment and show you the work, she really shouldn't be getting R benefits.
If it was me, the first thing I would've said when she climbed in the shower is, "So what's happening here? You told me you didn't know what you wanted and you think it's ok to climb in the shower with me?"
YOU have worth, man! Don't let yourself get pulled around like that!
It's kind of like that "why buy the cow when you can get get the milk for free" principle.
