Thanks for the advice - I'll do my best to keep this in mind.
Focusing on myself, and making sure the improvements and changes are for me not for her.

I'm still not sure whether I should still help around the house, do the gardening or go on family outings etc when she asks, or decline.

For example would you agree if your W asked you to come over and just hangout with her and your dog? Or would you refuse?

LBH 47 WW 47, M 15 T 18
D 11 S 14
BD, I moved out (duped) Jan 18
3 yr EA with ex-H discovered: Feb 18
I moved back in: Aug 18 (against her wishes)
...No R No M/C, continued limbo, dropping the rope!