Letting Go (Saying ILY Pt 4)

[mtb1981]

Starting to have doubts and wondering if filing for D was the right thing to do. Called the L last Friday, paid the retainer, and told him to start the process. D is something I never wanted, and I'm afraid I may have jumped the gun and acted on emotions after all the crap that happened Thursday night with the false accusations. On one hand, I'm tired of dealing with the drama. W right now is someone I do not want to be with. On the other hand, sometimes I think this is something she might pull through. Just a difficult time in her life and maybe I should just wait it out. I take my M very seriously. When I said my vows, I meant them. W has never once said she wanted a D. It has always been she wanted a separation. Several times throughout all of this, she has made comments that she wants to work on things, yet her actions are the complete opposite. At the same time, I feel like a fool when W is running around doing inappropriate things and acting like an idiot...

I'm torn. Part of me thinks she's just playing nice and buying time to get her ducks in a row and find a lawyer. Appeasing me by saying she wants to work on things when she really doesn't. Yet, she has not pushed for D at all, or said that's what she wants. Maybe half-heartedly said it during an argument, but it never really had any weight behind it. I'm seriously thinking about calling the law office and just telling them to hold off...