Husband gone for second time - 4

[Caz49]

Hi Nicole,

You asked about an update on my situation...truth be told there's nothing to tell. My H blocks me out. He replies to texts sent regarding finances, etc and ends with Have a nice weekend/evening/day but other than that I'm nothing or no one to him.

He did send me a birthday message, very generic banal stuff but it did come early and without prompting. It was my 50th and he left 2 bottles of champagne on the kitchen table.

My daughter had a word with him about the way he blanks me, how he can be quite hostile. He became silent, lectured her on the meaning of hostile but said 'no I don't mind being told off by my daughter'
He hates being the bad guy...but doesn't see how his behaviour is perceived. I felt my daughters frustration as that is exactly how I used to feel...and do now to a far lesser extent.

I never or would ever ask anyone to speak to him for me, I used to caution everyone to please not say anything to him...but my counsellor said it wasn't my job to stop others from voicing their views or communicating with him about how he treats me and how that makes them feel.

He has a huge wall up, he has feelings of compassion, empathy etc but he doesn't allow them to surface...and I can't be with someone who monitors their emotions so intensely. So, on the whole I'm so much happier without him!

I'm busy, I've made new friends and connections and I'm fairly detached from a man I've known for 31 years...it's become easier to detach the more I realise, I really wasn't being treated fairly, and I actually like myself how I am now.

I believe you will get there too Nicole. You're stronger than you credit yourself for. I also think your H knows this too. It sounds like he's waking up very slowly from whatever he was in. Small steps towards better co parenting has to be a far better situation than the animosity he displayed not long ago.

Eyes wide open and a clear head. Keep on keeping on...