The bomb woke me up, but she won't talk

[lusa]

I have been reading this amazing forum for a couple of weeks now and Dbing for the last 2 months.

Our marriage was bad for many years, neither of us sought help and eventually my wife asked me to leave the house. I stayed in hotels for a month and am now in a short term 6 month let property.

This bomb dropping has really woke me up and made me realise how much I truly love my wife but also how badly i treated her at times too. I am learning and implanting the changes I need to make in my behaviour and never been through such a period of accelerated personal growth in this regard.

I feel I am not just using techniques, but have made core changes to myself, the way I manage my emotions and my family priorities. Its been 4 and a half months since the bomb and my moving out now. At first I broke all the rules but thankfully still with some respect for both of us.

Then I read DB and started applying it. Things have definitely improved in regard to the amount of family time with the kids we spend together, and she has even agreed to go on a family holiday abroad for a week next month. (Platonic co-parenting are the words she is using at the moment)

However, since the bomb and the horrible things she said about our M and R, she has always refused to talk about either. I realised I had to stop pressuring her about 2 months ago and since then she I haven t brought either up. This has definitely helped stop pushing her away, but left me in limbo.
I have been demonstrating my changes and improving on them for what seems like so long now, 2 months, that I think its becoming obvious the changes are real, and jut as much for me and our kids as for her.

I think her EA has ended, but don t know for sure and am really trying my best not to snoop. I am at our house nearly every day after work and weekends and have the kids to stay separately every week. I am so glad I still get to see them nearly every day and I have really stepped up as a father since the BD.

It is really hard trying to detach from this, Ive never been through so much pain as I have this year, nowhere near. I understand and almost appreciate it is necessary as it has finally made me the man I want to be and my W wants me to be. She doesn t believe my changes are real and is quite understandably full of resentment from the past.

Now I ve written this first post I don t know if I have a question anymore, because any that come to mind always have the answer PATIENCE, but it is getting hard. Appreciating the baby steps is also a favourite answer I have read. My mistake at the moment seems to be losing patience between the baby steps.

I believe I can unconditionally forgive her EA and learn to love her ten times better than either of us have ever been loved before. I am willing to do anything and am doing everything I can whilst following the Ding principals. Why hasn t she given me a chance to even discuss our M or R yet?

Me 46, W 46
D 10, S 13
M 14 years
T 17 years
Bomb 01/18
Moved out (at her request) 01/18
EA Discovered: 02/18