Can I really do this #2

[Dtrmned]

Dear HJ,
I appreciate your insight and concern for my W's health issues. She has been diagnosed, misdiagnosed, mistreated (by dr's) and the whole plethora of things you mentioned. As I said, I am not defending her at all in her decisions and actions.

I do think it has a lot to do with her reflections on her quality of life, how her life has turned out (we live fairly well so this is not a reflection or comparison of our MR or myself), and just how she thought it was going to be. She has actually said that she thinks her health will improve drastically when we part. How can that be? These are mostly debilitating chronic long term issues. They will not magically disappear! Would I do anything to help get her the best medical care and treatment in the world, yes. But if she "blames" me for her chronic pain, thyroid issues and chronic IBS issues, wow, I have some real power out there!

If it takes her "getting away from me" to make her happy and healthy, then all I would wish for her is happiness.

I have been on the entire rollercoaster with her. The amazing times when we floated on air, so in love, finished each other's sentences, drifted days away together because nothing mattered, to the other extreme where we didn't know if she was going to make it through the surgery, let alone walk again, or whatever medical or medication up and down arose. When the stuff hit the fan, I just strapped on my saddle and rode harder to make sure we were ok, could pay the bills and make it through. Unfortunately, when it came the other way and I needed her most through the financial issues, she curled up in a corner and closed up like a turtle. We deal with things in different ways, but I didn't have the luxury to escape. I had to pick up and move on so our family could eat, survive and thrive.

Would love nothing better than to have her examine these issues, refocus and work. Again, not counting on it, and don't know if there will be time for it.