Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

arista,

As frustrating and old as this is getting I find myself asking if I should be patient in this process, that's not to say I should compromise any of my boundaries. Nor do I want to constantly be restating my boundaries and needs.

Prior to what I feel is a MLC fueled by toxic influences, my W was extremely thoughtful, caring, and loving.

Since R, I have mentioned, showed my discontent with the intimacy issues, but never put my foot down like I did in our last convo, and in doing so that has not been a problem since (granted it is way to early to see if it will be a lasting change). As far as the massage goes, yeah I would like her to take the bull by the horns and just offer me one... yesterday I was having muscle spasms and told her about it/asked her to work on my neck/back. She was compassionate and said of course, do you want to do it right now, I said how about in 30 minutes, I need to make a few phone calls, unfortunately I had something come up on a job site and had to leave right away forfeiting my massage.

Anyhow back to my point... should I be more patient, and take note of the progress that has been made? She has come a long way in the last 6 months, and it is a 180 from her standpoint a year ago... not to mention it is the complete opposite of what her toxic friends are likely telling her to do, (thankfully her communications w/them has been minimal- to my delightful surprise). As mentioned, I did make the "road back home" too easy of a road, definitely a mistake for someone who acted in the way she did when tearing our M apart. But now that she is back, that work still needs to be done, I have detached even more since R, I know she has noticed and understands that I no longer fear our M ending. I am reading DB again, seeing what tips I can get, I re-read my entire thread which helped, (a lot of the great advice I got along the way makes even more sense now being further down the road and having the luxury of hindsight).

Like I mentioned previously, I feel like at times there is a block with her when it comes to me. I don't know if it her own passive aggressiveness, a feeling of resentment, power struggle, friends influences, or just plain selfishness, whatever the case it is not conducive for a healthy M, I don't know what the answer is other than to be clear and straight forward, the big question is how to respond when that gets violated/discounted.

I read the writings of "Al Turtle" per V's advice, It was very helpful... I would highly recommend it to all.