She knows I've been reading...

[sandi2]

Hi Blakmac, I just caught up on your thread and sorry to see your WW acting like a GGW.

Just by the looks of that particular piece of advice you read from one of my posts, sounds like I was speaking to a H who might have been still living under the same roof as his WW. I give similar advice whenever the WW moves out. She will take advantage and ask her H to help with installing something, fixing anything & everything from her car to repairing something in her apartment. She thinks nothing of asking for his physical help......and/or more. For instance, she may be having a particularly low day and call him. She wants him to lift her spirits by telling her what a terrific person she is and how things will get better in her new life without him.

Whenever she has physically separated and she is wanting you to do things to help her (similar to the examples in the previous paragraph), you can tell her you are not available or she'll have to look for services in the yellow pages........or just say "no". However, let me stress something here. Choosing to not keep your son whenever it would be "your weekend", or any other time you thought she might be involved with some of her GGW activity......only hurts you....not her.. It is not your job to punish her. It is not your job to control what she does. In fact, you couldn't control her if she lived with you. Trying to force her to keep her child when she is not working, is clearly a control issue in you. I understand, b/c I used to have some control issues myself. In the end, the person who loses is you, b/c it won't change her. She is not going to live the way you want. You miss out time with your son, and he grows up not having enough time with his father. So, you can be unavailable for her in the other ways, but you need to be available for your child, as much as possible.

If there was anything I wish I could teach, it would be "how to let it go". When you learn how to let go of these things you can't control......it will free you. You aren't responsible for your WW. You can't force her to love you, or to live like a respectable woman. If you won't keep your son, she'll get someone else. I suggest you start working to let it go. Don't let go of your son, but let go of all this stuff she is doing in her life. Let go of things you can't control. Focus on what you do control.......and what you can change.

I hate doing that. I love my son. But something needs to change, and I'm not okay with enabling her to keep her multiple OM and randos having access.

Keeping your son is not "enabling" her to have multiple OM. Who is more important, your W or your child? Who is helpless here? Who is your responsibility? It's your child. You can't use him to control your W's behavior or activities. Another thing you can't control is who she decides to introduce to your son. That is very, very tough on the LBS. Unless you can prove the child was not safe, or harmed in some way........I don't think you can prevent her allowing others to come around him. However, you can do a check to see if any of her OM (if you know the name) are a registered child molester.

I am so sorry for the pain it causes you.