Which means I have been D for nearly 2 years as the absolute proceeds as normal! Yeah, yeah yeah.
Dating is ligit. I have been reluctant to date whilst uncertain about the D.
Life goes on.
V
It's quite the milestone. Coincidentally today is the day that my own decree became final. Even though I was only tethered by a thread, I was still tethered and that was part of my own reluctance to date. There's other reasons but I don't want to clog up your thread.
It is an odd feeling of freedom for me and perhaps you. I don't know if you've ever spent too much time around horses but I can recall taking them from the barns out into the paddock many years ago. Some would race off, frolic and roll around in the sheer joy of freedom from walls and the lead. Others would just wander out and crop the grass in the sunshine. Also very happy.
A number of people have asked me what I was going to do to mark / celebrate my freedom. As it looks, I may go for a hike and then putter in the garden.
I hope you are doing things that give you Joy as well which it sounds like you are and that your toe is healing up well.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Andrew I did 5 hrs of ironing, went to the gym and ate a piece of cake. Yes, I do understand the dating issue, actually I have been getting dates but no chemistry yet. I am happy to chat about the dating thing.
And I am binge watching Bull whilst ironing.
I ironed my thumb, I have a beautiful silk dress in deep rose pink (doodler I will time share on it) which always needs ironing. It's glorious, sort of 1920s. But the swimming is with a costume, NO skinny until I am skinny.
I feel weird about it. It's sorta odd like the actual date can't be in 2016, that it can't be that easy. As if someone will come and say there is another hiccup.
It's like it isn't really real yet. Anti climax in some ways. If that makes any sense.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I feel weird about it. It's sorta odd like the actual date can't be in 2016, that it can't be that easy. As if someone will come and say there is another hiccup.
It's like it isn't really real yet. Anti climax in some ways. If that makes any sense.
V
It absolutely makes sense. So much of what has happened to many of us is so bizarre that I keep expecting Rod Serling to step forward and do a monologue. An author friend of mine who does murder mysteries pestered me for a while to do a novel based on my own adventures. When I came here I felt that my story was unique only to discover over time that it was in many ways mundane especially compared to those where there was overt abuse such as your's.
It's been about a year and a half now since I made the choice to close the door to my ex but I always did have the fear (hope?) that she would turn back towards me. While our marriage wasn't all sparkles and rainbow coloured unicorn farts it was in many ways a pretty good marriage. Duty is a large part of what brought me here and I struggled with what to do if she did in fact turn up on my doorstep. Like a number of our ex-spouses I don't think that her life has turned out all that well for her. The poor choices she would make I now no longer am there to fix for her. OM had not been a reliable supporter either I believe. Now that the divorce is final she would have an even more uphill battle to have a relationship with me. I'm confident that she felt sure that I was a "Plan B" for a very long time. Perhaps she does still think that - there's no way for me to know. It perhaps will be a blow to her if I do form a new partnership but that is neither an incentive or disincentive to me.
As far as dating goes, since I have little interest in dating for social contact - I have a number of good friends of both genders who I see regularly - it implies a level of commitment to that person with the intent that it will grow into something more. I've read with interest comments here and elsewhere from women about what they are looking for and what they like and don't like about how they are treated by people at the beginning of their relationships. I know myself to be fairly intense and don't want to come across as "creepy old man". I've read where after one date or even casual contact that some guys (and gals) try to take over a person's life. That's certainly not me.
I know very clearly that I will never have that sort of relationship I had before again. It started when we were young and I was certainly naive and it grew as we both matured. I'm no longer young although I do feel younger than I did for the last few years of my marriage. I do worry that I will be unable to find the passion that I had for her and our life together. I recall the horror in a friend's voice when I told her that my ex was leaving me as she said "but you adored her. In some ways I worry that any new relationship would be "transactional" where I would provide some lady with security and comforts and she would in turn be a companion and lover. That doesn't seem fair to me. Perhaps one of the reasons I do look at it that way and perhaps this is an issue for other guys is that I do feel that I have choices. I've been assured that I'm a "good catch" - have all my own teeth, a full head of hair. But for nearly 30 years I lived with someone who was controlling, who regularly minimized me and to whom I was bound "for better and for worse" knowing that I had no choice but to accept the partner that I had.
Additionally, I have been hurt in ways that run deep. Most of us here have been. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable because it may happen again and I don't know if I would survive it a next time.
As a mature lady yourself, I would be interested in your thoughts on this, what you see of the men you encounter and like / dislike and how you see yourself in the mirror.
Ah well - enough nonsense for now
PS - As you probably know ironing is one of my "hobbies" although I've never ironed a dress before. I do so love the rhythm and the purely physical process of turning a wrinkled shirt into a crisp one or putting a perfect crease on my trousers. The fact that I'm dealing with what is essentially a somewhat dangerous power tool means that I need to focus on the task at hand. Yes - perhaps I "should" start dating - lol.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Sensational news, Lady V! I'm so happy for you. Big hugs and tail wags from me and Molly.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
I am an IRL dater, I come across better IRL. I am 64 but am told I look a lot younger. Am very fit, shoulder length blonde hair, with big big boobs and a great smile (the pluses) and am work orientated, study motivated, muffin topped with curlie frizz (the minuses).
In my dating life I like guys who are fit and interested in life, who smile and are relatively easy going. Who will sit with a glass of anything and mooch, chat and eat pizza (or whatever). More moonlight than sunlight. I would like a dancer, non smoker and groomed. At least solvent with no compulsions and more than anything SINGLE.
The following aren't deal breakers, hair, height, location, looks (as long as he can kiss well......), pets, children, job and hobbies.
I find as I get to know someone this stuff pales away, but it takes time so gentle contact, less electronics and more getting together dates IRL. I probably won't date younger than 12 years or older than 3 depends on the guy. Usually not attracted to dark men, I seem to prefer pale like me. Red heads, phoaaaaa
Generally I flow with the guy, but bad breath and poor grooming put me off big time as does being controlling.
My great issue is that guys simply don't ask for a date, or if I do then come across as saying they aren't good enough for me. WTF?
I have to make very sure the guy knows I am interested in knowing more and sometimes really spell it out. After that it's down to them, so my great knowledge is..... you are interested please ask for a coffee date and have only a coffee date in mind. Then flow from there. It's coffee, if she says no then it's "you can't blame me for trying!" Then wink. Openers are dead simple after a while, anything weather, food or current affairs related. Even how good the coffee etc is.......
Go out, date, relax chat coffee, hookup, hang out and have fun.
If an old girl like V can get dates then so can a young sexy buck called Andrew.
Go get em, smile and wink.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Congrats. I can imagine there is an anti climax. Inevitably some (even minuscule) sadness. Even at having to had go through this horrible sitch. Nevertheless, it is a milestone that had to be achieved and I am very pleased you did - all that time ago : )
Lovely times ahead with JJ and family and no G I trust.
Hope the studies are going well. I am sure they are.
Hopefully this post will work.....
Surfer.
M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids Issues2009 Wpartying w/g.f's2013on EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR ImeetAP/EAhalts VariousBDDates MFCourse WSpew EAresumes I halt Wrages DBIng4/2016
