Can I really do this #2

[Dtrmned]

Good Morning and Happy Monday!
I wanted to start this post off with just a thought.
Prior to her desire to D, I had zero intention of ending our MR and I was committed to the "better or worse, sickness and health" vows we both took. I feel these through my heart, mind and soul. With that said, please do not view me as a saint for "hanging in there". I have made and own my issues in our MR. I am not and never was perfect. However much I believe that we are an amazing couple when we click, the health, financial and just life issues have really played a huge part in getting us here. I do believe the opioids, anti-anxiety, and other strong medications have affected her as well. It has definitely caused her to introvert her life.

I am not defending her. I just wanted to point out that I own my part, have willingly admitted it, and would still gladly re-focus and continue our MR in the 2.0 scenario.

Weekend was good. Getting the kids ready for finals and wrapping up the school year! D had spend the night at a friends house on Friday so W wanted to go through the mediation questions on Saturday around lunchtime. I said sure. We sat down. I tried to set the tone and said that we weren't going to solve everything today, that this is again her choice to do this, I wasn't going to stand in her way, but that I was going to protect myself and our children.

Questions started and comments were made. These, to me, were easy questions since we had discussed them mostly already. Custody of the kids? 50/50. When/where to drop them off? I'd suggest that each pick up the children Friday afternoon from their school every other week. Keeps us from seeing each other and keeps the kids on their general schedule. Starting talking about communication between child/parent and parent/parent. Decent conversation, but did veer off a bit as we were talking about the coming week. Steer back to questions. As we got to Money, that's where it got interesting. W says she knows she is going to have to get a job, I asked how the search was going since its been a few weeks since she had mentioned that. "I haven't done anything yet". me: "Well, you probably should". We talked child support amounts and there is a prenup excluding any alimony so I wouldn't entertain any thoughts on that. Then came the guilt, pity, etc. "We were together 20 years, you won't help me a little to get started?" "You invested this much into this venture and lost, am I not as important as that?" Sometimes it is tough not to laugh from seeing the exact same things happen across other MR conversations on this board. I simply said again " This is your choice. When we were are in an active MR and working as a team, we work as a team. When you decide to leave our MR and no longer want to be life partners fully, my responsibility to you ends. " She got a little upset at that point, we spoke about a few other financial things, what is she going to do to get her car out of my name, etc. We did not fight, but we decided it was a good point to end the conversation. Her feeling at the end was that we should probably get an independent 3rd party involved (mediator) to go through this. I said "if that is what you want then set it up". She said "I don't know your schedule". I said "you would do the exact same thing I would do, call and ask an available time, I would check with you if its ok, then book it, not that difficult". So everyone commenting that she just wants me to do the heavy lifting is accurate!

She didn't sleep well Fri/Sat or Sun night. Up at 4 ish especially this morning so I'm sure she will be napping later.

Or she will be out looking for a job. Who knows. I did ask about her friend who is feeding her a line of information along the way who she is supposed to work for when her friend gets their business going and she said, "we are waiting on finding an Angel Investor". Pie in the sky stuff.

Anyway, Another day, another week and working on myself. Things are happening and if they fall will do well for my children and myself.

Thanks for being there forum!