Affair discovered

[STH17]

Told W I didn't want a divorce, she would have to file herself, I couldn't stop her, etc. Now she is saying I am abusing her by holding her hostage in our marriage, by not streamlining the divorce with her. That what I should have told her was there was no way I could expect her to give me another chance. If I don't speak my thoughts to her, she thinks I'm abusing her by withdrawing. If I speak my thoughts and they aren't what she wants to hear, she gets just as hurt and angry. I tried to tell her that as strongly as she wanted a divorce, I did not. That she could choose to file, but I am allowed to make my own choice. She just doesn't understand that and thinks I am being stubborn and controlling. And me being calm gets me accused of being emotionless and robotic.