It's been several years now, so I have to think back about how I felt when the board members were talking to me about staying in my M. I understand your W's feelings. But you two have only been together three years, and she is sounding as if there is no coming back b/c things got too deep? That is immature and unrealistic thinking about marriage, IMHO. What did she think M was......a fairy tale where the couple never had a problem? There is no reason on earth you two can't come back from this. She is just afraid she won't experience the butterflies when you walk into the room. I have news for her. As long as she sits and waits for you to make her feel butterflies.......it won't happen. She has to throw herself into the relationship to get the feelings. She may never feel like she did when you first M, IDK. I actually had better times, more romantic times down the road, than we had our first couple of years..... b/c I leaned in order to experience the thrills I had to encourage it and be an active "giving" partner. I also learned that was what people meant when they said you had to "work" at it. A MR must have nourishment, to keep the love alive.
She doesn't seem mature enough to handle the fact she is employed while you are earning your degree. She wants to see evidence where you have worked at home, while she was on her job. Some women just don't do well being the breadwinner. They go home and start hammering the H b/c he did not do enough around the house .....according to the W's expectations. When you described all you did, it sounded like a lot.......but if I heard her side, it would probably be a different story. You know if you are doing enough, or not. You have to have time for your classes..
Give her a few days to go at her own speed and do her own thing. Just be cautious, b/c you will want to do something to make her feel better, and you'll fall back into waiting on her. If she is right about the house, then maybe you really aren't doing as much as you thought.......or else the dogs are way too messy (which this can be true). As for your "projects", I still don't understand why that bothers her, or why she feels you have to give her an update on how you are coming along with it. At first, I thought it went along with all the other stuff of her running a tight ship, but IDK. If you leave an unfinished mess sitting around, it probably is a sore spot with her.
I use to say I had never seen a woman give up a good H b/c he didn't do enough housework. With this younger generation of W's who have such a sense of entitlement.......I don't know if that any longer the case. I just always have suspicions when a woman can't find anything to complain about, other than he doesn't do enough around the house! Maybe it's b/c "she" is the real problem......not him.
Anyway, just take a day at a time. Try to have an easy week. Don't do anything to pressure her emotionally. Don't bring up the R talk again, unless she initiates. Just try to be relaxed and have a comfortable atmosphere at home.
She got caught, called out, and she feels guilty. She's is having to deal with the fallout of her behavior. She is still wayward. It doesn't change overnight. As long as she clings to those old resentments, she is blocking off any feelings of being in love. Her emotions are urging her to rebel against commiting to the MR. I hope she will realize that if you can forgive her betrayal and deception, she should be able to forgive you for whatever she holds against you. Apparently, she hasn't figured that out yet.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
