Have you tried to change the conversation when he brings up the subject of money, selling the home, etc? Sometimes just changing the subject on him will stop him in his tracks for a bit. Have you tried just simply saying "I'm sorry you feel the way that you do" and then change the subject or walk away? You do not need to sit there and take the verbal abuse from him. You have free will of walking away when the conversation turns hurtful w/his spew.
Yes, they do rewrite history and he's not going to admit that he's been the root of the spending issue. You, like all of us, are a fixer and this is something we can't fix, nor can we rescue them.
He's going to continue to "badger" you about the bills, funds, etc., hoping that you will get disgusted and say "enough" and do what he wants. He's like a child testing the boundaries of "mom". Yes, in his eyes you are controlling. You may not be, but, to him, you are mom and you aren't allowing "man/child" to have his way.
It's difficult living w/a man/child who can't see clearly, but you, on the other hand, are seeing things quite clearly and are living the life of walking on eggshells. I know exactly how you feel and so do others who have a MLCer living at home.
Have you ever thought of given him a written spreadsheet of what comes in and what goes out in the way of expenses? This might be one way to "show" him what is happening w/the funds. After giving him the document, if he continues to harp on the subject, refer him back to the spreadsheet. You do not need to continue to defend yourself about the money, etc., just refer him back to the spreadsheet. Going round and round w/him about such things is getting old and no matter how you slice it, your funds can only go so far. As the old saying goes, you can't get blood out of a turnip and that saying applies to just how far money will go as well. There is no magic well spewing money out to the world.
Continue to leave that ball in is court about the advisor. You can't fix what you didn't break. No matter what you do, he will still be a miserable man/child.
Have you read any of HaWho's postings? She has mastered the art of living w/a live in MLCer who has now flown the coop. He lived in the dorm room for quite some time and had issues w/monitoring funds, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
