Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

I think you need to be more demanding and definitive about what *you* need for this marriage to be good (versus adequate) for you. If both of your needs are being met, and you know it, you won't be living looking over your shoulder for the next time this is going to come crumbling down. You'll be able to relax and truly enjoy your partnership.

As I mentioned a few post back, I stopped initiating everything, no foot massages, no cuddling, no flowers, no sex, I went about my business in the house otherwise normal. After close to 3 weeks she finally started to slowly ask me questions...

First was about cuddling, we were going to bed and I asked her to close the window a little as it was cold outside, she looked at me and said, "yeah I probably should, seeing as no one is going to keep me warm, since you don't cuddle me anymore." I told her that no one was stopping her from cuddling me. She came to bed and put her arm around me for a few minutes then rolled over, I then cuddled her for the rest of the night.

A few nights later she got home from work and put her legs up on me, she then said "I remember when I used to get foot massages every night." I asked her if she wanted one, she sarcastically said "oh no, thats ok". I proceeded to give her a foot massage anyhow. When I was done she gave me a kiss and hug and cuddled me on the couch for a while. We later went to bed and were intimate, She came to bed in the buff which is always the sign for sex, however I still had to initiate it.

Could this be the turn around????

The next day I casually said "Hey, how about tonight, instead of me giving you a foot massage, you give me a back massage?" It got a little awkward, she said something like "sure I can give you a back rub, its not like there is ever time to set up the table and give you a full on massage". I replied, "If you don't make time, there is never going to be time." and left the ball in her court.

A few nights later I approached her for sex, I got the good ole' "I"m too tired".

My massage never happened, nor much less even a back rub.

I went a day or two not saying much, not initiating anything. I finally flat out told her that sex needed to be more of a priority in our R, she started giving excuses, I started to debate the excuses for about 15 seconds and stopped myself, I simply told her "Bottom line, sex needs to be more of a priority, I don't like the way it is now - it is not how I see a healthy relationship, and don't want the rest of my life to be like this. To my surprise she agreed.

I also told her that I would really appreciate a massage from time to time, even if she was not a massage therapist, any compassionate person in a M would see there loved one stiff/soar and try to render some relief to them. Her answer was mediocre, saying "Sure, I'd love to give you a massage, it's just got to be before 9p.m., otherwise I am to beat." I see her point about being to beat, but did she really have to say that?

She seemed to be in a good mood after our talk, I was watching to see if she was going to be mad or quiet... she was not.

A few hours later we were sitting on the patio, she told me she was looking at booking a hotel for us at the end of the month, do I know of any shows going on then? (We were supposed to do this a few months back for my B-day but we both got sick along w/ the kiddos so it got cancelled, I figured that was the end of it.) I feel this is a good sign, thoughtful of her.

Later that night she came on to me and we had an amazing sex. She has not shut me down since our discussion, and has been showing more affection. She has yet to offer up a massage, not sure if I should just ask, or wait for her to offer.