Am I Piecing, or Pi$$ing in the wind???

[Clyde]

Your wife is not doing "the work." And you are not requiring her to do, "the work." When you decided to reconcile, did you have any "must haves?" Or were you simply so relieved to have her back that you allowed things/issues to be swept under the rug?

Arista,

Yes and no... I the night before she decided to move back home I was very clear about what I expected of her as far as the "sister" goes. (For those new to my sitch, the "sister" interfered in our M every opportunity she could, she is a sociopath and is as toxic as they come... my W always conducted herself differently when in her presence or at her ill advice.) I wrongly assumed the rest of the relationship details would fall back into place.

I totally did those things Artista talks about in her first paragraph when my husband returned the first time. What a mistake!

Spot on Nicole, its become quite evident in my sitch as you can see.

There must be other books or marriage counseling or resources to help people who are piecing to get through it with more successful outcomes. DB's focus doesn't seem to be on the aftermath when couples reunite. That requires an extension of DB and there must be a good roadmap for it out there. Clyde I really wish and hope you can get through this difficult time and find a way to make you reconciliation sustainable.

This forum has to be the most valuable/helpful resource I have come across in dealing with every stage of this roller coaster. Thank you for the well wishes!

I don't know that that was a wake up call. It may have made the road back easy for her. I mean, why wouldn't it? But, easy isn't always the best way.

Frankly, I strongly disagree with the H thanking his W for her waywardness! I say this b/c if a bunch of LBH's see this and decide to start thanking their WW for cheating, lying, and tearing the family apart......they are going to be sadly disappointed in the outcome. If anything, it will be a big turn off, which will show up in the bedroom.


BTW, the more you repeat some statement to a WW, the less she hears. I wish this was a point every LBH would grasp. Please stop restating things to her!

Sandi, I agree with you 100%, I only emboldened her and her actions by thanking her. Maybe it was NGS/ passive aggressiveness, its almost like I had to soften the blow of the final sentence/point I was making to her - "I always thought I would go through this life with you at my side, but I now see that may not happen, and I'm alright with that, I've accepted it." and while the preceding points (thanking her) did not help my cause in any way, the final point about being alright/accepting that our MR done stilled carried some weight, I could see the look in her face when I said it.

You pretty much took all responsibility off her back and put it all squarely on yourself. Why expect her to work when she thinks she's made you a better man?

Again, with the luxury of hind sight, and having felt like I am the only one putting in the work many time since R, I agree with you 100% Sandi

As far as restating things... it is one of the many things I would change in my actions going back to BD. Hopefully others can learn from my mistakes.