Things moving fast. Twists & turns.(hoosjim's 15th

[hoosjim]

It just doesn t seem real at times. I mean, I believe in it, and the feeling is just too good for it to be false, but... just unreal. I was looking back over my journals I had kept, and at so many points it just seemed as if objectively there was no hope. that we were dead, done, finished. And, you know, its funny, for all the mis-steps, and screw ups, and false starts, and other hurdles... there is something that tells me that the path I took to get here may very well have been the only path that would have gotten us here, that it was the path we were intended to take and the only one that would have brought both our hearts to the place they needed to be at the same time to make this work.

It sounds sappy, but I keep thinking back to that meet up that our MC brokered about a week and a half after that ugly weekend where everything seemed to blow up... where we agreed to meet up, just for a short time, in that small backwater town that neither of us had ever been to somewhere between where I had run off to and our home where W had remained. When I saw her come around the corner onto the little mainstreet where I was sitting at on outdoor cafe on just a perfect morning and she saw me and kind of smiled, then dropped her eyes and cried, and looked up again as I approached... I just knew. It was too close to surrender to it and just let her back in at that point, and I didn't want to believe in it but... I knew. The same thing she knew after watching me walk away over a week prior. How those barriers came down for us so quickly, and at the same time, is just miraculous, and wonderful.

And it s not like that giddy, drunken, hormone-soaked limerance infatuation you get with a new boyfriend or girlfriend... It s something better. Maybe not as flamingly passionate, but overall just warmer and more giving (rather than wanting and needing) and, though it may sound unromantic to some, with a deliberate-ness that is in some ways more of turn on. We have chosen to love each other-- and that to me is more sexy than some little cherub with a bow shooting my chosen mate from behind a tree or having the feeling just drop on her out of the sky.

We hold hands and hold each other and make out with each other not just because We cant keep our hands off each other , but because we want to and because we enjoy each other and each others' company. There is an added comfort, too, with knowing each other that takes a lot of the pressure off of things and makes loving each other "fun". She started this thing a couple of weeks back when we got kind of tangled up in bed and both made some type of ouch exclamation about two old people trying to get it on that just gets us both rolling with laughter... the type of thing that between new lovers might be a turnoff just makes things better for us. It happened in Cancun when we were both in the hammock on our outdoor balcony and ended up losing our balance and flipping out of the hammock and crashing to the floor together-- we probably laughed for five minutes straight with tears streaming down our faces. And then we ML and held each other and it was just an amazing evening.

This morning she called me right when she got to work and said Hey,. I just wanted to tell you Thanks for loving me.

Work to do still, and, yah, sure don t want to get complacent but. We re back. Maybe better than ever. And it s amazing. Thanks to my friends, including those on these forums, thanks to DBing, to my DB coach, to our MC/IC, and most importantly thanks to the Good Lord above who has blessed this MR of mine and given it new life.

I hope to be able to continue hanging out here and help others as I have been helped, and W and I have talked some about how we can use our experiences to help other married couples in trouble.

Thanks, all.

And, Artista, I am very interested in hearing your anecdote about how your resentment returned. Something I do want to be on the lookout for in my own sitch