Wow, 25, just wow. I am finding myself pitying (not sympathizing. PITY) your XH. Sigh. He is only focused on what is in front of him (new W and D) and is oblivious to the affects on his own children. He is potentially destroying his Rs with his kids. How terribly sad for him, because it IS HIS LOSS. Yes, it will be hard on them, but they have strong characters as you describe and they have authentic Rs with you, their mom.

I too wonder about these personality disorders and do we over-diagnose them to describe someone. I am not sure. I do agree with Own. I also was thinking that if a person is a narcissist, or if they are not, they will still have to face the same consequences of their choices. Even if their thought process is off compared to most, they still have to put mental energy into justifying what they are doing. Those thought processes, defensiveness and mental warfare, harms our own psyche. This reflects in who we show the world we are. AND, they still have to face the same consequences and feel the same losses. He may feel very justified in his position, but that does not come without expenses and negative consequences, is what I am suggesting.

This made me think about my mom and her two sisters. None of them talk (my mom is 70 and the youngest) and for as long as I can remember there has been drama with one or the other. My mom talks about one that has "boarderline PD" and she says it as tho it's factual. I have no doubt they feel she has a personality disorder too. It's sort of ironic to me how they all point fingers at each other and blame shift and justify their reasons for not having a relationship with each other. The only fact really is that they are all hurting to some extent and they are all missing out on having any Rs with their own sisters. How sad! My mom has trouble seeing that even if she feels like a victim to someone (in many of her Rs) she is still accountable for her part in the R and the way she handles it. And sadly, she does not have many people in her life that are close to her.

It takes a strong character for someone to look at their actions and choices in life and to be accountable. Even if we are wronged or a victim, we can still look at our own part and we can still make some improvements. It also feels good to live with this integrity and it draws more people that are similar to us. ... Your H in time will have shallow Rs and miss out on the most important ones with his kids, and the silver lining is you don't have to have an R with him anymore. You can now find (if you choose) a better and stronger man that has integrity.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela