My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance

[ovrrnbw]

I wanted to give an update from last night. Last night, WW came home, and then into the bedroom pretty late. I was pretty tired and had just gotten off the phone with my sister. She accused me of being selfish and controlling by sleeping in the master the last few days. She told me that she knows that I know that she does not want to sleep in the same bed. I basically just validated her feelings, but a couple of times I did start to argue. I think I need to keep my cool and discuss any disagreements from a position of love, instead of anger or fear of being left. But I strongly disagreed that I was being controlling and selfish.

She continued on to say I hate women, or maybe everyone, and that her parents thought that I was trying to do "something" by going back to the master bedroom. Again, I can't trust what she says, but it sounds like she is trying to get her parents "on her side". If her parents really did say this, they are totally ignoring her affair. Her mom told me that if her husband treated her as I treated WW, that she would thrown his stuff out of the house the next day. I am still curious how she would handle him having an affair - and how she thinks I should. I don't think I need to be initiating many convos with them just yet.

WW also stated that I was trying to "make life hard on her". That isn't true, but I'm not sure how to be a loving husband and take care of her, while she is trying to have her cake and eat it too (with the affair). I think I discussed this some with my counselor, who said you can be the strong, kind, approachable person she needs. She left the room and came back two more times to discuss selling her car and then selling the house. I don't think WW is sincere about her desire to sell the house, other than to run away from me. We've needed a mower, needed to rebuild a retaining wall, repaint some spots, need to keep the house clean and picked up on a daily basis, and need a lockbox or someone home on weekends to show the house. Since she knows all these things, but isn't doing them, I have come to this conclusion.

Those conversations went okay. Ultimately, I think she (and her parents) know why I'm in the master. She is having an affair, and I'm not going to be her little beta and bend over backwards to make her life as easy as it can be. If she doesn't want to sleep in the master, that is her choice, but I didn't force her to choose that. I think I need to set some boundaries with WW, and tell her "I can't talk about this right now" when it's late and I'm tired. I just think it's too easy to say something I don't want to say.