So long as we all made him look good and went along with his plans things were hunky dory. But since all of our kids have issues as adults (some caused or worsened by his infidelity and eventual departure from the marriage, some worsened by his behaviors after the divorce towards our kids) he does the bare minimum for them and one hasn't spoken to him for almost three years now.
He's declining to help pay for the one final year of schooling (MSW) for our middle child - a straight A student who has overcome many obstacles - and said child is actually kind of relieved to take out loans for that half, because it means he no longer has to hold his tongue around his father and can say what he feels.
I'm sure he thinks I've poisoned the kids against him but nothing is further than the truth - I've always tried to paint his behavior in the best possible light, and failing that, put it down to his concussions and possible CTE. And he cries poor to the kids when they are well aware he makes about $350k a year (plus his new wife works).
It hurts to see them hurt our kids, and hurts to think we made such a poor choice for their father. Still you, like me, got some good years out of your marriage. It wasn't all bad and the best thing you can model for your kids is moving on in a healthy way. My kids all see me as a rock and a wonder and they delight in the fact that I've become the touring musician in the family. The example you set for them is the most powerful thing you can do.
