Any more tips on talking to W about divorce? I've avoided that conversation for a long time, and now I've agreed to talk about it with her this weekend (no time set so I could show that I understand it is unavoidable by making more concrete plans with her).
If she wants to set a time then agree to it, but don't initiate that convo yourself. For every other situation listening and validating rules the day, but for D talks set that aside and PROTECT YOURSELF. Let her do ALL the talking. Don't agree to anything, whatever she throws out there, just tell her to draft up her proposal and you will review it. It is perfectly fine to remind her you don't want a D. Tell her you understand it's what she wants and you won't stand in the way of it, but it's NOT what you want. Don't do any of the D legwork for her.
Good move on talking to a L, you may want to discuss the financial situation with him and get his suggestions as far as how to address expenses during S. I'm thinking now is a good time to close joint accounts, but ask him about that.
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as well as me telling her I am no longer willing to cook meals for her and do any laundry that would benefit her or clean her bathroom (which our son also uses), essentially requiring her to take care of herself more. I think she appreciates those things, and she may see me withholding them now as punitive.
She wants a D. What's more punitive than that? Being her maid is not going to earn you any brownie points or bring her back, but standing up for yourself may get her attention and earn you some respect (even though she will probably complain about it).