Can I really do this #2

[Dtrmned]

Thanks Everyone.

AS, Cadet and Steve GREAT feedback.

I admit that I am still WAY too W focused. I admit as well that I am snooping. Although some of these things I just come along naturally. I have always been the one who noticed something that was moved from the pantry, not nosy, just a little too ocd detail oriented type of personality. Now this didn't mean I always picked my dirty clothes off of the floor either! Old habits are hard to change, but I am working on it daily. I have hidden her feed on Facebook today. Really read through some of the other parts of the forum. I intentionally stay away from the home more now than ever. And more often than not, if I'm going to stop by I text when I'm on my way. I am not trying to see a car in the driveway. I believe I would notice if my W had her hair, makeup, and had "gotten ready" for some type of rendezvous whether at our home or somewhere else. Her health issues kind of preclude that though not impossible. She rarely puts on make up and rarely does her hair and is usually in the same clothes when I get home that she had on when I left. She is a beautiful woman and I do love her very much and that is my issue to deal with. Regardless of how this goes I will always love her.
When I referred to marriage as being co-dependent that was a bad choice of words. For many, many years we were a great team that seamlessly communicated with each other. We floated on air for many years and supported each other in our marriage, our friendship and the other aspects of our lives.
At present, yes, I am lost in my way as all I have done for the last several years was take care of her (with the chronic medical issues and surgeries) and our children so this GAL thing is a very new thing to me. I love the working out part. I feel better, look better and I know my health is improving daily. My W has also noticed and make some comments that I didn't say too much about, but did acknowledge the compliments. I do love my new space. I am also doing more business social events (during the day) to interact more with colleagues. Difficult on the getting out at night thing as there are times, when I get home, that my W is actually asleep on the couch for a few hours. Also the financial strain we are going through I think would lead to some arguments since she is solely focused on herself at the moment. I am also a little fearful of alcohol at the moment. I don't drink to excess, but on Mother's Day, I think I would have handled the situation better if i hadn't had a couple of glasses of champagne. I just need to keep my wits about me!

Cadet, you said it well. I am not responsible for her happiness and she is not responsible for mine.

This counter intuitive stuff is hard (hence trying to keep my wits about me).

Today helped a lot so thank you all. Especially in calling me out and letting me know that what I was doing (and my comments) weren't matching up and I was justifying or whatever my behavior to stay focused on my W. I am going to focus more on myself and I need to let go more and detach better.

Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day as I move on to a better me.