Advice on my Scenario Pt. 6 - Becoming a Warrior

[OrangeK]

I know my thoughts are unorthadox comapred to normal BD ideas here, and appreciate everyones paitence and support.

I want to clarify a few things.

1.) I miss what i had and thought i would have, but i do NOT miss or want the creature to which i am legally bound. The sooner i can liberate myself from the shackles of M with WW, the easier detachment and apathy will be. I know its often referred to as "just a piece of paper" but it will give me the closure i have been denied by WW. to know that when i filed, D was the last thing in the world i wanted, and now knowing all i do about her true self, my true self and my value, I cannot wait for it to just be done. I struggled for a long time letting go of her, because i wasn't letting go of the illusion she got me addicted to.
Thanks to Sandi, Vanilla, Makia, Steve, MTB, AS, IF and many others, i have been able to truly see her for who she really is, and that was a tough friggin journey. Thank you.

2.) Yea, I'm angry, and just leaving this in the dirt and walking away from it is very difficult to wrap my head around, but its getting there, little bit, day by day.
The D Hearing this Tuesday will be huge, it will either really set me back, or drive me miles ahead, and i am very confident it will be the latter. In fact i am to ensure it will be exactly that.

3.) I cant believe in 3 mos here i have gone from heartbroken, sad, and defeated, to determined, self respecting and BEGINNING the path to true healing.

I will continue to update my stich, and ask questions when needed, but my days of trying to figure her out or let her dominate my headspace are gone.
If something has me particularly vexed i will come here to ask about it, as well as check before any communication with WW.
Done are the days of me posting asking "why did she do this" or "what if she does that"
I know i cant figure it out and it wouldnt help me much even if i knew.

Goals:
Get a Life: Im at the weight i want, just need to get all the muscle groups toned. im already in better shape then ive ever been in, which feels awesome, and with this big gap in seeing WW, i know she wont recognize the person she sees on tuesday, and the best part is, other than being aware of that fact, i honestly dont care a bit what she sees when she sees me.
I have summits to climb (NH484k), rock climbing routs to crush (send 5.10 outside on lead by end of season) and dietary goals to hit.
Goal: Be cut like a damn gladiator by end of July.

Get a place: i need my own living space, my roomate has been huge in helping me recover, but i need a HOME for me and S3, one that will last more than a year. Poor guy has gotten shuffled around all over these last 3 years. he has suffered the most.

Get a new car: not as high on the list, but my 2000 Volvo has seen better days, i think a new ride will really help with feeling new and GAL'ing. this will have to wait a bit as i am currently living like a pauper.

Quit Smoking: Obvious. Waste of money and health. Any advice here would be appreciated.

THE MAIN GOAL: Give S3 the best damn life i have it in my power to provide him. Love, attention, Love, attention, some cool toys, and many many adventures. Poor guy has dealt with so much, and WW isnt doing anything to help him, He is the only thing that has drawn a tear from my eye in about a month.
I love him so much. the only good thing WW will likely ever do in her life was to bring him into the world.




In closing. Thank you all so much, i know i can be difficult, but its because i am passionate.

this website is a blessing.