She knows I've been reading...

[SteveLW]

Hi everyone. I've been reading this forum, and I'm seeing a lot of situations somewhat similar to mine...but I need some advice.

A couple of months ago, my W wanted to talk to me after I got home from work. She said she was moving out. She couldn't handle my depression. The next week she had an apartment. Within two weeks, she had already slept with a coworker. Fast forward to now, it's been at least 3 guys (she confirmed), but the number is likely higher.

It has been absolute hell trying to navigate this. Especially since we have an almost 4 year old son.

But here's where I need advice...

I just finished reading DR, but she found out that I've been reading it (she came over to get a few things and saw the book). Yesterday, she said "you've been sending mixed signals. I'm glad to see you're doing better, but I hope you aren't trying to save this...I hope you've actually come to terms with this being over."

I stayed cool about it. But she's determined to go out and have her fun. Most of the time, our son stays with a sitter while she's at work or out with her friends. I keep him every other weekend and sometimes during the week. I know that she has been going out having her fun, and it honestly kills me because for the last 3 years I've stayed home with our son while she works AND I've never stopped her from hanging out with her friends...except now it's more than just a drink after work.

But since she knows about the book, even though she doesn't know what's in it...how do I keep going forward? It feels like she's just determined to make sure I have no hope.

1st: BELIEVE NOTHING SHE SAYS, and only half of what she does. Do not put any stock into her "its over I hope you aren't trying to save it". They all say this. They all make the proclamation that it is over.

2nd: Start reading as much as you can from sandi2. She is a former Wayward Wife. Your W is more than just a WAW, she is a WW. Unlike some WW, your W's nice girl side has to convince herself it is over with you in order to do what she wants to do. And what she wants to do is sleep with other guys. That is just a fact. If that is a bridge too far for you (physical affairs are deal breakers for many people) then file for D. If you want to wait her out and try to save your MR, do it regardless of what she says.

So, read all of the links Cadet sent. Pay attention to sandi's rules. Also, consider using LRT, I think it fits in your sitch. Detach and differentiate. This is a hugely important step. 180 (change any bad behavior's that contributed to your sitch). And start GAL. This is also hugely important. WWs love it when their H's sit home and wait for them to come back, even if they say the opposite.

Finally, be the best you that you can be. She will take note of it even if she doesn't admit.

None of this guarantees anything, but doing what DB says, following advice from sandi, and detaching, 180ing and GAL will be your best chance if R is your goal.