World is upside down right now

[othstr]

So, the conversation happened two days ago. I was super nervous! He arrived, came inside, asked for a hug. Of course I wanted one, so I did it, it was a lingering 5 second hug, not a quick one. Niceties started it off, then started talking. I really tried to stick to DBing, it was hard, I definitely threw in some feelings. I got information about what he wants as a part of the baby, and how we are going to continue finances right now. Then came the part about what is going on with the situation right now. He said he is looking for an apartment, applied, but haven't heard anything back yet. I know that is a lie. He told me where it is, the name of the complex, and that he is moving in with a girl from work because she is the only person he knows that is in need of a place to stay right now, told me her name, he said it is a 2 bedroom... I know DB says don't believe what they say, I don't because there were still lies in there. I was strong and told him I will be able to handle a baby on my own. I definitely backslid some, but I still think I got my point across, still have questions, but got some answers. He gave me a hug when he was leaving, same thing, 5 second lingering embrace. He did tell me that he was hoping when he left he would miss me, but he didn't. Dagger to the heart, but I know that he is just trying to push me away. I found out that when a woman is pregnant in my state, you can't get a divorce, so I have at least 6 months without anything happening.

Also, I had a mini breakdown last night. I was mowing the lawn, his job, and the grass was long since it's spring. The mower kept getting bogged down. The neighbor came out and helped me, but said a couple times, yeah, the lawn is pretty long to handle this right now. I said, I know, I've just been busy. He left, I thanked him, continued to go on. I started to cry and was thinking, yes, I've been busy, my husband was out of town for work, he left me a week ago, and I'm 3 months pregnant. I'm sorry that the lawn is long. I cried for about 45 seconds, was done and moved on. But it hit me. And, for the first time in a couple weeks, I slept the entire night! Instead of reading DR before bed, I started reading a satire novel so I wasn't thinking about everything right before trying to fall asleep. I think that definitely helped.