Gotdie #19: patience, trust...and hope

[Gordie]

Vapo

My rational and faithful side agree with you

And i feel i could never do that to my kids

But the emotional side or the flesh in biblical terms gets tired

That is when you guys tell me

More faith

More patience

This will take longer than you think

Keep expectations at zero



Journaling

W and i have not had marital relations in almost a year

We stopped when she started dating OM2

Stopped touching each other at all

It pained me to be in the same room

After the affair ended things began to slowly thaw

At first it was incidental touching

Then touching like a friend

Now she wants more hugs

Or will pat me on the *****

This has been slowly building over four months

We are still sleeping separately

And we still have never spoken of her affair

I have not initiated this contact or sought to escalate it

I have avoided all R talks

I have mixed feelings about marital relations

On the one hand I am excited about this prospect

On the other I feel there is a lot of sweeping under the rug

Maybe that is okay

Forgive and forget

Am I withholding physical contact out of spite

Maybe not sure

Or just fear of physical rejection

Is she pursuing

Am I distancing

How to end this cycle