Gotdie #19: patience, trust...and hope

[Rita]

Gordie, I just spent way too long reading your posts since you first started posting, and it was heartening to me. I don't know if you have ever read any of my posts, but I have been in the situation you were in for five years now. I became a Christian during my stand and that is how I have made it through. My husband hasn't helped me in any way for five years -- financially not a penny but also just anything else -- cleaning or cooking or walking the dog or moving the car (we live in a city where you have to move the car a lot) or doing anything whatsoever. Mostly leads a secret life but we rarely have spoken of anything. So I found it interesting and somehow inspiring to read about your changes since you started posting. You remind me of my other current hero, DnJ, you are both so quietly thoughtful and yet so full of love and hope and steadfastness. I was actually thinking about what it is in all three of us that attracted us to someone who turned out to be the opposite of that -- I mean, we weren't attracted to that, since the MLC'er is the opposite of who our mates were -- but in some ways, sure I can look back now at the seeds. And I think mine is more insane than some. I am really trying to do the same thing you are doing with an in-house prodigal spouse, but my problem is all financial because I have been trying to save our house from foreclosure and pay all our debts all on my own, and I don't make much. Every single day my H starts up again about how isn't going to live like this much longer -- e.g., with no money in his pocket when he owns half of this house (huge mortgage but even huger equity, but he doesn't understand how little would be left after capital gains and an actual division of debts, assets, etc.). I try to chat with him when he wants to but it's impossible for any conversation to go on for more than 5 minutes without it ending there. So I find no way out except to hide from him, it's the only way I can feel any peace. But then I miss out on the reconnection moments too, so it's a losing battle. Anyway, I was just struck with how similar in many ways our walk is right now, but also how different, since mine is totally disconnected from kids and unable to function as an adult at all. How both our spouses have this idea of being "open" to other religions/practices but really it's just a way to justify this horrible behavior and selfishness. Also how we both put all our trust on God and have a hope that certainly doesn't match what we can see. Thanks for posting all this time, you never know who you'll reach, and when. My thread is pretty quiet but I always feel less alone when someone posts there in a supportive way.