Advice on my Scenario Pt. 6 - Becoming a Warrior

[OrangeK]

Trust me she is not.....you really can't believe how they present themselves in front of you. For example, last night my EW called me honey twice.

I don't sweat that crap any more, it doesn't mean anything but my point is you don't truly know what is going on in their heads.


It's also best to not try to figure it out

Not trying to figure her out has been a big challenge. I am working on that now. After BD my WW started using my first name only, which she NEVER used to do, it drove me nuts, made her sound like she was scolding me. it was always "Hun".

Also remember there are a lot of things that happen in this world every day to good people. Things happen all the time and friends/family members never know the reason why it happen. Why should you be in different? Why should you be given any more answers to why than anyone else? Remembering this, when I was early in my sitch, helped me with moving on with my life.

I have been trying to keep the thought that "it was no different than a house fire, or a mugging, i was a random victim, move on and overcome"


Thanks Joseph.

[OrangeK]

Orange. Exact same boat. Got a TRO for begging, pleading, refusing to move. She called the cops because I told her I would fight for my kids and 50/50 time with them.

I am curious now since I am NC and pushing a divorce I don't want but have to do for her and my own sanity.

She hasn't done much of anything lately. I have no clue on her mindset or feelings.

We have spoken a few times with mixed results after she dissolved the RO. Once when I was clear and happy...she sounded remorseful and I could hear her old self. Most of the times after though were detached and cold.

I have little hope. Not much hope when they drop a RO on you. Someone advised her to do it. Too bad for her. I have regrets...but she made the situation the way it is now. The EA/PA allows her to move on without me. My focus has to be me and using this adversity to grow. I'm going to IC 3x a week and get to see my kids frequently now. I'm ok...not good. But maybe with more time and space I can get back to being me.

IF, ill be brushing up on your sitch when i have some time tonight.
The TRO really makes for a frigging nightmare doesn't it? i hate that it paints me in such a bad light, despite the fact that she is responsible for all this legal horse-crap. it just isn't fair. I know the truth will out though. lighthouse. lighthouse. lighthouse. lighthouse. lighthouse.

[OrangeK]

[b]Me: When you fell comfortable talking, i think we need to discuss mutual routines for bedtime, behavior and learning so its consistent when hes with me vs. when hes with you and OM. Im concerned about some of the behaviors the daycare has mentioned. Just want our Bug doing th best he can. Have a good day.

WW: Well first of all, he only has bedtime routine with ME, but yes, i agree there sgould be some similar routines

I had a question on her response here.
Yet another situation where she is trying to minimize the involvement of OM. She doesn't know this but ive seen his Instagram pages (havent looked at it in 2 weeks FYI) which includes a lot of very blatant evidence they are in a full blow R. So why continue trying to minimize the fact that its happening?

[OrangeK]

After this question im done trying to figure anything she does out. Its a lost cause, a waste of my time and painful and unproductive.

[mtb1981]

[b]Me: When you fell comfortable talking, i think we need to discuss mutual routines for bedtime, behavior and learning so its consistent when hes with me vs. when hes with you and OM. Im concerned about some of the behaviors the daycare has mentioned. Just want our Bug doing th best he can. Have a good day.

WW: Well first of all, he only has bedtime routine with ME, but yes, i agree there sgould be some similar routines

I had a question on her response here.
Yet another situation where she is trying to minimize the involvement of OM. She doesn't know this but ive seen his Instagram pages (havent looked at it in 2 weeks FYI) which includes a lot of very blatant evidence they are in a full blow R. So why continue trying to minimize the fact that its happening?

I read it as her trying to push your buttons again. Saying S only has a routine with he's with her, and doesn't have one when he's with you. Like I said earlier, forget OM even exists. He's not worth your time...

[OrangeK]

Oh she was certainly referring to the fact that i mentioned "when hes with you and OM"

Typical defensive response to the fact that i called her out on something she knows is wrong. I just dont get why she continues to deny, deny, deny when we are all well aware of the situation.

She has denied the fact that S3 slept in OM's bed, has spent time around him (like a crap load).
She was still pretending they were just friends in Jan, i imagine if i were to ask (im not going to) that she would still say the same.

My son tells me about going to OM's house (he lives with his parents) all the time, and about all the activities they take him to do, monster trucks, mountains, the things he bought S3.

[OrangeK]

Like I said earlier, forget OM even exists. He's not worth your time...

A.) its hard when my son talks about him all the time, but I am trying. The guy is a chode, so i certainly am not envious of him in any way, other than the fact that hes been tagging my wife for over a year, but he has no clue what hes in for.

[OrangeK]

B.) he ISNT worth my time, you are right about that. I know that he was fed a load of BS about me, so anything he thinks is illusion. Same place i was in back in 2013.

"This girl is AMAZING, how the HELL could anyone treat her like she told me he treated her? What an idiot, ha! his loss, shes so sweet and amazing. I win, he lost hahaha"

he will be singing a different tune in a year or so, if not less.

Here's my question. If i am such a worthless, awful POS, why bother even pushing my buttons?
If she wants nothing to do with me, why lie and make me angry?
What profit does she get from that?

[mtb1981]

We're not stupid, Orange. My W feeds me the same BS that OM is "just a friend". In both our situations, you and I both know better. And we both know they're not going to admit it. That's why I've quit letting it bother me. I'm to the point now that I almost find it humorous that W underestimates my intelligence so much that she still tries to convince me they are "just friends". I know the truth and that's all the matters. Whether she admits to it or not, won't change the fact that what is true is true...

[OrangeK]

its all moot anyway. I've decided im pushing forward with D. withdrawing my hold and going to just cut the cord and be done. hopefully as we have no joint finances it will be quick.

I wish she had to change her name after D is resolved. She doesn't deserve to carry my patriarchal name around, its a thing im proud of, and shes despoiling it.
She will likely keep it same as mine to piss me off.

Oh well. Let it be a reminder to her of her awesome decisions. Same thing with the door code at our daycare. Its our anniversary date.