Affair discovered

[STH17]

Any more tips on talking to W about divorce? I've avoided that conversation for a long time, and now I've agreed to talk about it with her this weekend (no time set so I could show that I understand it is unavoidable by making more concrete plans with her). I've been wanting to detach and GAL more, both of which I think require establishing financial boundaries. Finally talking about divorce plans could be an opportunity to negotiate on that issue, as well as me telling her I am no longer willing to cook meals for her and do any laundry that would benefit her or clean her bathroom (which our son also uses), essentially requiring her to take care of herself more. I think she appreciates those things, and she may see me withholding them now as punitive. One way I know I can stand my ground with those decisions though is that I want to spend more quality time with my son. Those things I was doing aren't things W asked me to do in the first place, they were just ways I was trying to be the husband I wanted to be. I've always been the one to cook meals, and I have been doing so to show kindness, but I am feeling now that I can't keep putting so much work into our marriage at the level I have been. I don't like the resentment that is building in me over it and the A which I still have not confronted her about and worry if I do it will make divorce negotiations worse. I still am on the fence about an apology letter. I was thinking I could tell her in it that I understand how she feels now, that I suspect she had an affair. I expect to be told by members here not to do that again. Maybe I am just having a hard time letting go.