Organic Blue Sky

[Brubeck]

Hi HaWho,

It's nice to hear from you. I hate that your sitch is progressing this way, but at least it's progressing. No more dorm room. No more up close & personal paranoia, no more taking his dinner off alone after you and your boys eat.

I wonder for the reasons why XH tries to maintain a daily presence with you despite having moved out. Maybe he wants to fluster you during D proceedings, maybe he needs to continue projecting that you are the source of his anger because he isn't as happy as he expected. Whatever it is, it's just more MLC survival gear still at work on his part.

Two things you just spoke of mirrored my sitch. I have 95% of my D settlement wrapped up. There was a tax detail that took one week to clarify. When that info arrived, STBXW asked me to verify it. Then, she started her MLC babbling - she was really trying to find out if the full settlement needed to be dealt with. She probed so I would repeat all bullet points that the L's agreed on only a week before. It was as if she never read the settlement.

What happens to these MLCers? You figure that they would at least pay attention to their own Ls, who are helping them to be free - but crazy people don't know they're crazy, and depression robs anyone of memory and focus.

You have a natural reaction to the "jingling keys", because I have the "bunk bed creak". STBXW sleeps in the kids room, and whenever she rises, there's a creaking sound. Sometimes it's the signal that she's going to start a huge fight with me or with the kids, or to grab her purse and disappear for hours without saying a word. When I hear it, I pray she's just going to the bathroom or to the kitchen. I hate that sound.

I think the realizations you are having now about your past relationship issues are genuine ones. Had this arrived in the middle of the in-house MLC craziness, you'd just be accepting his gaslighting. There are no more fires for someone else to tamp out, he's got to twist and wander in the wind.

If your kids are getting angry about this, they obviously see Dad is not all together - no matter how hard he tries to be fun loving guy. I bet he continues his PA crap through them.

I don't feel right to say congratulations to you for enduring this. Nor can I say good for you, or that-a girl. There's no celebration for continuing to survive a rollercoaster without a seat belt. You sound as centered as someone can be in this situation, more than myself.