Life's High Seas

[Gordie]

Yes

That is weird

SIL should not live with you

Just say no

Why do you say she does not realixe it has been three years since b d

[job]

I agree w/Gordie. SIL shouldn't come over and stay at your house during your week of having the kids. Stay firm and say no.

[Kyh]

Thank you Gordie and Job! I know that is off but being close to the situation it's nice to get feedback.

Gordie, I can't remember what she said exactly, something about the kids growing up fast, and it just seemed to me she is about a year short on time. I didn't pay it much attention and could be wrong, just something that I noticed while talking to her.

[Gordie]

How are you doing

[Kyh]

Hi gordie, thanks for checking in. I come by here regularly still but sometimes days between.

I've been doing good overall but had a rough couple weeks last month. Over it now though. I've been home more than usual so that's been nice but work has been stressful and lots of people quit or are quitting. I've been enjoying my time with the kids and have had time to do things around the house on my off weeks since I've been home more than usual.

I've been trying to get outdoors and enjoy the summer. I took the kids out on their first off-road experience and they loved it (after the first couple head slams). It was a little bit of a trigger for me as xw and I used to take trails and hike all the time and I missed having her. Oh well, the kids and I had a good time and they are excited to go again. I love getting them excited about outdoors/nature.

Xw gave me trouble over xsil and staying with me. I had to stick to it, she was ridiculous with her excuse about having to get up and ready. Then she had xs il ask which made it awkward. I told her that I didn't want the d and that I was still trying to navigate things and am still getting things figured out. I also said it wasn't personal, but it was what I bought was best right now. Xw still fought me on it, seems like it disrupted her plans as she's been agitated w me since. I don't really care. What stinks is old babysitter called after daily was here and her plans had changed but it was too late.

Xw seems to have regressed but it's been a couple weeks since I talked to her. Her cousin (a few years older) passed away and I think it hit her hard. She texted me and then talked to me when I got back into town. I offered my support as much as I could and let her know I was there if she needed anything. Not sure what else I could do. I fixed her car again at this time and then when she came to get it I asked if the kids got to talk to her mom (because it was her bday) and xw flipped and accused me of thinking she is a bad mom. Ugh, frustrating but I feel like I can deal w these things without too much issue anymore. Xw also started a new job, maybe two, during all this so lots of change again. I don't know if it's all this stuff or xsil or both but it seems to have changed the dynamic of things.

Overall the kids and I are doing well. The summer is already flying by I'm enjoying it with them as much as I can.

[bttrfly]

you're setting healthy limits for yourself and not reacting to the drama. all good my friend. I wish you had less stress, but these things come in cycles. good for you for holding your ground! good to hear from you Kyh xoxo

[Gordie]

Kyh

Agree with butterfly on your healthy limits

W does not like having reality intrude on her fantasy

It is a fine line to walk between kindness and letting them experience their own consequences

Re the comment do you think I am a bad mom I get those too and yes her aggression towards you is not pleasant but sounds like you are doing a good job of seeing that it is not about you and shaking it off and moving on

Love taking the kids on a good hike

[MarvinF]

Restoring KyH post

Sorry but I need to vent. Boy do I feel stupid. I got a lesson on detachment today. This morning I got a text from x telling me she has been seeing someone and has introduced him to the kids. Something in me broke, I felt it in my stomach and my voice changed. I feel like a fool, I know I shouldnt be surprised but I am. How do I deal w her crap? I m fixing her car because its literally pumping oil out the ground and shes off w a guy. I do things like this to take care of my kids but it also keeps me in a place. If I didnt she would drive my kids to god knows where like that until it blew. Im also a month ahead on child support because she needed money, still paying her insurance, have had to put gas in her car, and have had to send groceries w her on her week so my kids have to enough or arent stranded on the middle of the road. If it was just her she could take the bus but Im having to take care of my kids through this. I feel very used and like a fool. Detach detach detach. She doesnt even deserve me as a xh but thats not how I feel. And shes sleeping in my bed when Im out of town. Ugh, why am I surprised? she slept w someone else and then slept w me in it. And what kind of guy is okay with that? I dont think my next gf will be staying in her xs bed when hes not home lol.

I know its her right to date and I was about as far from controlling as one could be but this hurts, especially knowing all her poor decisions and how this affects the kids. Plus I think he is acquaintance of mlc friend. I question my decision to give her 1/2 custody sometimes.

She tried to be nice when I got the kids but she knows Im mad. Partly at myself but also at her. Not necessarily this but the whole mess, all of it! I have lots of resentment towards her. I didnt say more than hi but when I looked on the mirror leaving I had grinch face, you know the scene. Not a good look for me:)

I didnt do anything yet but I am thinking of getting the last few things of hers put together, give them to her and ask her to only communicate with me about the kids and through text and tell her Im taking her car off my policy at the end of the month. I really want to tell her to never speak to me again and I mean it but I have kids in this mess. Idk I guess I need to calm down and think but Im tired of this. Maybe a little time so Im not just unloading after she told me that, tit for tat. She could have hidden it from me and it is good she told me but Im a used fool nonetheless. Thank you and sorry if you made it through that but it needed to come out. I dont want to carry that energy.

[Rita]

KyH, you are not a fool. No one has made a fool out of you. Of the three adults in this scenario, would you rather be the selfish W who destroyed her family, the slime bag OM who is participating in that relationship with her or the solid can-do guy who keeps caring and loving for his family and always putting his kids needs before his own, even when it breaks his heart? You are a hero in that scenario, don't doubt it.

One day when her head is clear, she will realize what all of us realize about you!

Don't doubt your own goodness just because someone else keeps shoveling poop on it. Your goodness is real and your concern for your kids is GOOD. I do many of those same things for my H when he is doing anything with the kids because I know otherwise they will get no care at all. It doesn't make us fools; it is a further proof that we are good parents -- and good spouses! -- and choose a path to put family first even when all we want to do is sink into bitterness and vengeance!

Hugs to you. I know exactly the horrible pit-of-stomach sick feeling you are feeling. It will get better, it will!

[Vapo]

Stay strong K.

You are not alone. We have your back.

V