Advice on my Scenario Pt. 6 - Becoming a Warrior

[OrangeK]

Also, Steve, theres this.

It just feels like anyone who has made an semblance of forward progress with their MR has been DBing and separated / BD'ed for less time than I have already. I get the whole "Marathon not a sprint" thing, but my sitch has only gotten worse since time has passed.

WW started SEEKING affair in Jan of 2017 4 months after wedding, began seeing OM in April of 17', i found out in Oct of 17' which also included separation. Oct-Dec were all Anti-DB nightmare of emotional hell for me, then we hit late Jan for the TRO. That brings us to current.

Look at my timeline:

12/23/17 BD I confront on her EA, she counters with she doesn't want to be married anymore. She wants to get a job, get an apartment and get a divorce.

For next 2 days she is very attentive and affectionate.

12/26/17 I finally find DBing

My sitch was almost a year old when yours began, I had just only KNOWN about mine for 2 months in Dec of 2017. yet because your wife is a normal human being, as opposed to an emotionless, destructive force of nature, you have had the ability to have progress, ups and downs and expect reasonable results and reactions from someone who actually does have regrets and emotions.
Plus you are able to communicate.
True NC in my situation basically means "cut yer damn losses and move on entirely"
Which id love to do, but there's that whole "I loved this woman and have gotten precisely NO explanation of any kind from her to explain why my life was so effectively vaporized"
I wish i could simply labotomize her out of my mind forever, that would be easier.

So to give a short answer, yes, i am driving my self nuts trying to figure this out. I need help trying to figure out how to stop trying to figure her out. you know what i mean?

Like in a 12 step, I have admitted i have a problem, i get that. its the other 11 steps Steve. Read up on Love Bombing, she got me addicted, im trying to get unaddicted. Ive "been sober" (No Contact and DB) for 3 months now, doesnt mean i dont get cravings and temptations. I am only human.