Past: All of the questions. they "Why's", "Does she feel bad, guilt, remorse, self-loathing?" "How could She's" "Did i EVER mean anything to her?" and "What was she thinking??" "how could she discard every item from our wedding and life together?" "why him over me" "WHY couldnt she have just talked to me instead of all the lying and cheating and pain" - Pretty straightforward stuff to work out. Knowing ill NEVER get answers is just the hard part. I know ill never gen answers or at least honest ones, unless she has a breakthrough. Just takes time to cope with these not ever being addressed i guess.
You will never get answers because there are none. Believe me, we ALL want answers and it's frustrating not to know. There are no answers because your W doesn't know why she is doing what she's doing. She is confused and in turmoil even though she probably doesn't show it. I remember everyone telling me this and I would say "but you don't see my W on a day-to-day basis, she is rock-solid, resolute and completely unemotional." It wasn't until some time later (a year maybe) that my ex told me she cried every day and constantly questioned everything she was doing. Outside she looked like the Rock of Gibraltar, inside she was a raging storm of emotions.
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Here are some examples of what thoughts plague me.
One harsh life lesson I learned from BD is that the stuff I spend time worrying about never comes to pass, it is the stuff I never even think about that jumps up and bites me in the butt. For the longest time I was so worried about losing my job, but my marriage? Pfff nothing to worry about there! BD was a bolt out of the blue with zero warning and 6 years later I still have trouble wrapping my mind around the fact that life can change so quickly. Ironically I still have the same job though. So I get where you are coming from, we men, we embrace logic and understanding and we love to plan for every eventuality. But BD is a cold lesson in letting go of all of those things we want to hold onto.
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I know these may sound like thoughts NOT from the mind of a warrior, and you would be right. It is understanding them, and overcoming them that is my warriors task.
The first part is absolutely untrue, the 2nd part is spot-on. What is true bravery? Is it rushing in where angels fear to tread? NO, bravery is being truly afraid and doing what needs to be done DESPITE your fears. Of course warriors have all those thoughts and fears and concerns and questions. What makes them warriors is that despite it all, they do what is right by their children, their family, their friends and (lastly) themselves.
