Advice on my Scenario Pt. 6 - Becoming a Warrior

[OrangeK]

Still feeling very against Divorce, but it seems the right path.
I never wanted to divorce, i feel like we never even got a chance to work on our relationship. How the hell can i go all the way through a divorce with literally no discussions, communications or ability to even compromise?
We never had any sort of productive discussion to save our marriage. She didn't want anything to do with it talking about it (now after months on DB Forum i know why)
this is all so confusing. I haven't had a chance to even discuss an iota of divorce, our opinions on it and everything with WW.

I still can't wrap my head around why if she wanted to be with OM, and not me, she would Deny the Affair, even when she knew i was fully aware of it, but yet still tell me she wants a divorce but take no steps to initiate it and wait till last min with everything the court has required us to do so far? Also, why extend the TRO?
I need help trying to understand her motives and goals here. Nothing is logical, nothing makes sense, i cant even figure out if things all went exactly as she may have anted them to, what would have happened?
I know she was still adamant on hiding the affair when I found out, and continued to lie about it. That seems like the old "keep me as plan B" scenario.
I know she would have wanted a separation eventually as she had asked for that prior to BD.

lots of questions rolling through my head today, thankfully they don't seem to effect me emotionally as much as they used to but the questions themselves are still there.
Still getting random small flares of emotion, jealousy and missing what we had from time to time, but not nearly as frequent or powerful.