When she starts to do the whole "I don't deserve sympathy" routine, that roughly translates to "please give me sympathy" in WW speak.
She does the whole self deprecating thing because she wants you to be the "Nice Guy,' and tell her it's all okay.
It's not okay. She needs to keep hearing that early on. Forgiveness and sympathy is for her, not for you. You will heal at your own pace which is different for everybody. You will forgive at you own pace, too, so when you say it, you need to be ready to mean it.
Secondly,
You need to play it out like you know WAAY more than you actually do about her tryst, so keep the questions to a minimal, and let her dig her own hole.
There's lot of other stuff, but I wanted you to be thinking about those two things before all the dust settles. You don't know how this will all play out, and it will be a LOONNG play-like years long- and there are lots of different roads you both will travel in that time.
Right now, you are confident and strong and are becoming your best version. Your focus is still on what is best for you.
All she needs to know is that you know you will be fine and will come out stronger and better on the other end (you will. We never fully feel that way, but we all do).
