Advice on my Scenario Pt. 6 - Becoming a Warrior

[OrangeK]

I may catch a 2x4 here. Dont care, if its needed its needed.

I still struggle with not trying to predict the future.
GAL has been going well, Detaching is getting there, Cognitive Dissonance is still hard to fight through sometimes, but its mostly clear these days.

Its the past and the future I struggle with. Here is why.

Past: All of the questions. they "Why's", "Does she feel bad, guilt, remorse, self-loathing?" "How could She's" "Did i EVER mean anything to her?" and "What was she thinking??" "how could she discard every item from our wedding and life together?" "why him over me" "WHY couldnt she have just talked to me instead of all the lying and cheating and pain" - Pretty straightforward stuff to work out. Knowing ill NEVER get answers is just the hard part. I know ill never gen answers or at least honest ones, unless she has a breakthrough. Just takes time to cope with these not ever being addressed i guess.

Future: Herein lies the problem. This is where she still occupies my head-space. Here are some examples of what thoughts plague me.

"Will she ever apologize or show remorse? If so, how, when and what would I do in response?"

"Does she actually have feelings for OM or did she just land with him out of convenience of right place and time?"

"How is she treating S3 when they are alone?"

"is she ever going to try and re-idolize me and seek Recon, not that i want it but how do i handle it if she starts pursuing? What do i look for? How to avoid it without making her more angry and spiteful?"

"Does she ever miss me?" (makes no difference to me, but would effect how she treats me down the line)

"How is her mental state? Is she scared of D? scared to face me and deal with her guilt? Is that why she extended the TRO Is that why she never initiated filing for D herself?"

I know these may sound like thoughts NOT from the mind of a warrior, and you would be right. It is understanding them, and overcoming them that is my warriors task.

The way my mind works, if I dont have at least a good working understanding of a thing, and why it happened, it cant seem to evacuate my thoughts.

Sandi, Vanilla,
**I AM NOT LOOKING FOR PURSUIT ADVICE**
That being said, I do still struggle with this lack of understanding and not knowing what to expect from her behaviors moving forward, as well as the lingering detachment issues i have to put to bed once and for all. With the level of vindictiveness and manipulation she is capable of I don't want to leave any situation unconsidered so it surprises me and bits me in the @$$ later down the line.