That $ucks. There has been some depressing chatter about divorce coming from my kids as well. It's tough. W's mom is on her third marriage. So is her father and grandmother. I think my W is just numb to the idea of D. Like it's just some normal thing to do when you get to a rough spot in your M. She has told me several times that it won't affect the kids. But she forgets about all the times she's told me in the past about how her mom got a job as a bartender and left her and her brother at home with their stepdad for days at a time (sounds familiar, doesn't it?)and the effect it had on her. She felt abandoned and still holds this against her mother. She has told me in the past that she thinks a lot of her issues stem from her crappy childhood in a broken home being bounced back and forth between her parents. It blows my mind that she can't see she's doing the exact same thing to her kids now, but there's nothing I can do to make her see it. I just feel bad for the kids. They don't understand what's going on. They just know they don't like it...
When my W was still bought into her get a job, get an apartment, get a D plan, she too had whitewashed the effect on our D14. She too is from a broken home, and carries many scars from her parents' D. And we still deal with it today with trying to juggle holidays between her parents, and then having a lot of nervousness when it comes to mutual events (where they both have to be there). Births, graduations, birthdays, weddings, etc. All of that means making sure her mom and dad are sat in a place that minimizes their interaction, and that doesn't offend one. "Why does your mother get to sit close to the head table?!" Etc.
But when she was in her fog, she had the "kids are better coming from a broken home than being in a broken home" mentality. Never mind that our MR had issues that could be worked on and resolved, we didn't have a "broken home". But she didn't care, until the fog began to lift she has convinced herself it would all be fine.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ibthink with little ones its usually the actual transition that can be rough.
What you can do in the decree is specify that if either of you are to leave son in child care or with a babysitter (including a grandparent) for more then x amount of hours the other parent has first dibs on taking child for that time. This is crucial, cause it enables more one on one time with a parent but it will also keep ypu informed of what is going on.
Also put in the decree something along the lines that if a parent violates terms Of decree and that it is necessary go back to court, the person in violation os responsible for lawyer fees.
Its so important to get this stuff in writing.
Be smart. Just observe what is going on to help you foresee anf come up with a legal document that helps address these issues on the future.
But when she was in her fog, she had the "kids are better coming from a broken home than being in a broken home" mentality. Never mind that our MR had issues that could be worked on and resolved, we didn't have a "broken home". But she didn't care, until the fog began to lift she has convinced herself it would all be fine.
This has been and still is the mentality from WW"s Point of View as far as i know. My parents were married at 17 & 18, had a child at same age (my late brother) and they are still together. I know what a strong family looks like and what benefits is breeds in a child's upbringing. I just hope and pray (yes, I, said pray, that she realizes one day that her child is more important than anything she is ever going to do and starts to put him first.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/14/1802:59 AM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
