No, no you have not failed anyone, 44. Like I said, this is your life, not mine or anyone else's. Don't feel that way.
So now you feel relief that it is out in the open and you aren't carrying around that burden.
You have to go dark and not communicate by phone with her. Although she expressed regret, she has not actually made a change. This is only a step in the right direction. She needs more time to pull out of her emotional state and think seriously about your feelings rather than her own. She still wants to talk about herself. She wanted to direct blame at you. Have none of it, b/c she has to take responsibility and not put it off on you.
Although she admitted a lot, her treatment of you is habitual, so she will slide back into that mold, easily.
Of course I will do whatever I can to help you. I am not angry with you. I've just seen so many guys react too quickly with a response, before waiting to see what anyone else says. I don't mean to imply that Artista's suggestion was not perfectly stated. I was just concerned you had responded too quickly after saying you wanted to hear from me, and WW was going to manipulate you again. It sounds as if you handled it very well.
I hope you told her you needed time to think about what you wanted. Yes it will be difficult for her to be there without you, but don't succumb to sympathy for her. She does not need sympathy at this time. She'll want it, but that's the last thing you need to show her. As a WW, she really has to experience this period of knowing she could lose what is most important to her. As long as she's trying to blame you with how she felt, yada, yada.......she is not remorseful, she's just being emotional and feeling sorry for herself.
She can't be there in person, so all she can do is try to convince you over the phone. She will want to secure her position in the MR, ASAP. Please don't rescue her by assuring her you aren't going anywhere. If she hounds you too much, turn off the phone. She'll know why!
Frankly, I am glad this is hitting her hard.....if it's genuine. That is what's needed to shake her hard, stubborn heart. But she still needs more time of not knowing what you are going to do. Do you understand what I mean when I say she "needs" these things? In other words, these things have to happen in order for her to authentically repent from her waywardness and get her heart right with God and with her H.
I am in full agreement with Artista about going dark (NC) while your WW is gone. Artista has personal experience with this scenario and could probably be more helpful. She has said she had several false starts at reconciling with her H, so she can see your W with clear vision.
I'm not going anywhere. I'll still be here giving my nickle's worth.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
