Afraid of the dark

[Ste7e]

From what I understand a WAW is just done with the relationship.
A WW is having an active A or thinking about it and acting like a 21 year old again.
From what my WAW tells me she is not having any A and has no interest in any relationship and I trust what she tells me. Besides holding in resentment towards me for my life choices she has as far as I can tell always been completely honest with me. And until proven otherwise I am working on trusting her as that is a personal issue of trust I brought into the relationship from some pretty disfunctional previous relationships. So maybe she is not a WW at all...I am just so confused on what is happening.
Things got hard and she just bailed it is what she does it is her pattern with all her past relationships. She has a lot of work to do on herself. But besides that she is a really great smart, fun attractive and smart person and I really love her that is why I am here. I want to be with this amazing person and spend my life with them. It is why I got married to her in the first place. It is why I am emotionally attached still. I will probably always feel that way which is why NC is my only option to save myself if she doesn't want to have a Romantic Relationship with me. It hurts so bad what we had was so special and great I really thought I had met my soulmate. The past two time we saw each other it was there even though we are going through this that special connection was there...I dont think she was leading me on in anyway...but when we were done hanging out she would just push so hard away which would crush me. I think she is just so desperately pushing me away despite her love for me she is scared and what I showed her over the last couple years was me at my worst and she doesn't want to be trapped with that, I dont blame her I dont want to be trapped with either. Which makes my GAL 180 so hard is that I am seriously blossoming and becoming myself again and being happy with myself slowly. But it is all too little too late and she doesnt see it because all she sees is me at my worst still. It all feels entirely hopeless I have lost the second best thing to ever happen to me...the first is finding myself. I wish we could start again as equals and see where this could go. But she has closed the door and moved on. Heartbreaking.